Two Wolves In The Dark
by We Must Be Crazy
Summary: I always felt cold. At least on the inside. Though that was something that was slowly changing. I knew it was because of her, there was nothing else it could be. I've spent years in the dark and that's nobody's fault but mine. I just can't ever seem to settle, or begin to be like regular person. Honestly I don't think I deserve to. My life is dark and cold. Always has been.
1. Frozen, I Held My Breath

Time for a new story! I'm a lot happier with this one then my last two, but you guys let me know what you think so far. This chapter isn't to exciting and the next one goes a lot more into the two. It'll be better. Anyway I've added some of my own characters into the mix. Tony who I like to picture as Robert Downey Jr. Sophie who you can portray anyway you'd like. Lily, who you can also portray anyway you'd like and I think that's it.

Nikita is my lovely new female lead. I can't think of any actress to compare her to, but I explain her a good bit in this chapter. There are some similarities between her and Brooke (Who you know if you've read my other stories) but they aren't the same person. Nikita's harder, darker, and more deeply troubled.

This story will contain cutting, attempted suicide, anorexia, mentions of rape, torture and more. This chapter's pretty light hearted, but it won't stay that way.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men, etc...

* * *

_The day we met_  
_Frozen, I held my breath  
Right from the start  
Knew that I found a home  
For my_

_Heart beats fast  
Colors and promises  
How to be brave_  
_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?_

_Time stands still  
Beauty in all she is  
I will be brave  
I will not let anything take away  
What's standing in front of me._

* * *

She woke up to a the sound of a yelp followed by a loud crash. She jumped up, claws out. With there obviously being no immediate danger, she cursed and slid her claws back in. She got up and stretched out, walking to the door to see what the noise was about.

She was pissed because she had finally fallen asleep at some point during early hours of the morning, only to be woken when a few hours later. She flung the door open violently and glared.

There was Tony and Scott lugging (or _trying _to lug) a rather large pool table. As the door flew open, they both froze and looked at her.

She looked at the broken glass on the floor that they had apparently knocked over, then looked at them a moment before raising an eyebrow and leaning against the door frame, watching with her arms crossed. Although she had woken up annoyed, she now found herself amused by the sight in front of her.

They looked at her a second longer, then at each other, then back at her. Tony looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and tried to cover it with a boyish innocent grin. "Uhhh, we were just umm..."

"Waking up the entire mansion." she offered.

"What? No, of course not." he said, mock innocently. "We were just... putting this in the game room. You know... for the kids."

"Right, the kids. I'm sure." she said sarcastically. Her and Tony had always gotten along. Sarcasm was a way of communication with them. Her and Scott however, had their days. They could get along really well sometimes. Other times were more like, well now.

Scott looked at her. "It's nearly ten o' clock anyway. What are you sleeping for?"

Her eyebrows went up and she cocked her head at his tone. "Excuse me?"

Scott looked worried now. "Never mind. We'll be out of here in a few minutes."

She rolled her eyes at him and turned to go back in her room. "Fantastic." she said, tonelessly, before shutting her door.

She went to her bed and flopped down with a groan, knowing she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. Sleep wasn't something that came easy, ever since the lab. The nightmares kept her up, or left her waking up screaming or in a panic. They had been getting worse lately and she wasn't sure why, but she sure as hell wanted to get a full nights sleep.

She lied there for about half an hour before there was a knock on her door. She sighed, but made no move to get up.

"Who is it?"

"Tony." he said, walking in the room.

Niki rolled her eyes as he walked in, uninvited. "Sure, come on in."

He sat down on the bed. "You alright, Nik?"

She nodded. "Yeah, just tired is all."

He looked as if he didn't believe her but left it alone. "The Professor wants to know how long you're staying."

"I don't know. A few more days, I guess."

She was always on the move. Never stayed in one place for long. She couldn't stand being tied down. Feeling like she couldn't leave. She needed freedom, and everyone in the mansion accepted that. She was a member of The X-Men, but only when she was here. There had been a few occasions where the professor had called her, asking for her help and she had obliged, but only when necessary.

"Well he wants us all in his office. Something about a new guy."

"Like a kid?"

"I don't think so. He said something about him maybe being a part time member of the team. Said he needed some help remembering some things, or something." He pat her leg than made his way out of the room. "Be down there in 15."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later her, Scott, Jean, Storm, Beast, Sophie, Tony, Gambit, and Colossus sat in the professors office.

She sat between Tony and Gambit, and leaned back on the couch.

"I called you all here for a reason," the professor said. "We have a new member coming in today. His name is The Wolverine."

Niki's brows came together, and she leaned forward. "I've heard of him." she said thoughtfully. "He makes his way across the country cage fighting in bars."

Everyone looked at her. She just shrugged. "What?"

Jean crossed her arms. "And how do you know that exactly?"

"Because Jean, I also cage fight at some of those bars." she said matter of factly.

Jean looked appalled. "You shouldn't be cage fighting in bars. What kind of an example are you setting for the children?"

"It's not like I'm encouraging the kids to go out to a bar and fight. They don't fucking know what I do when I'm not here." she said, leaning back into the couch.

Jean muttered something about watching her language, but Niki turned her attention back to the professor. "So, what's he doin' coming here?"

"He wishes for me to read his mind. He seems to have trouble remembering anything past fifteen years ago. He also has remarkable healing powers, much like yours, Nikita. I also believe he was in a lab. Much like you."

"Does he age?" she asked, intrigued.

"Doubtful, considering his healing abilities. We will find out more when he arrives. Jean, Storm, I will need the two of you to prepare a room for him."

Jean and Storm stood. "Of course. There's one in the west hallway. We'll put him there."

Niki new the room they were talking about. It was just about five down from hers.

"Very good. He will be arriving around two. Tony if you would be so kind as to show him around?"

"Sure thing, Chuck."

"You all may go now."

* * *

A few hours later, Niki was coming from the back stables when she heard a motorcycle pull up. She looked over as he was getting off. Her breath caught and she stopped a minute, watching him.

He was tall and built. Very built. In fact he looked to be all muscle. His hair was tousled from the wind, and he ran a hand through it, trying to tame it. He had mutton chops and facial hair that a lot of people couldn't pull off, but on him it looked beyond sexy. His jeans were tight, as was his flannel shirt.

He turned and saw her and his breath caught. He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at her, trying to hide it. She looked him up and down before regaining the ability to walk. He thought he saw the smallest hint of a smile as she walked away.

His gaze followed her as she walked to the door. Her hair was long and dark brown with lighter brown strands here and there. She was around 5'7, looked like she weighed maybe 120. She had the slightest exotic look about her, and her skin was beautifully tan. He stared after her a moment, before grabbing his things and going inside.

When he got inside she had disappeared. There didn't appear to be anyone at all. He looked around. The place was huge, and this was just the entrance of it. "Hello?"

He heard footsteps, followed by a man in the door way. "Oh, hey. You're late."

He looked a little confused. "Uh, yeah. I guess."

"I'm Tony." he said, holding his hand out.

Logan extended his and shook Tony's. "Wolverine."

Tony gave him a funny look, kind of expecting his real name. "Riiight, Wolverine. I'll show you your room and around the place, then the professor wants to see you."

"Yeah, okay."

"So where ya' from?" Tony asked, as they started up the stairs.

Logan took a second to answer. He seemed to be taking everything around him in, sniffing the air, listening carefully to all the different noises. Tony remembered Niki doing the same thing when she first came to the mansion.

Finally he answered. "Canada."

"Really. I hear the syrups great in Canada." Tony joked. "What's it like up there?"

"Cold." was all he said.

"O-kayyy." Obviously this guy wasn't much for talking. "Well, here's your room. A few of the X-men stay up here, and some of the teens that have already graduated. I'm the next floor down."

He threw his bag on the bed and looked around the room. "This room is huge."

Tony gave a chuckle. "Everything in this place is huge. We've got rooms way bigger than this. Come on, I'll show you around."

They made their way through the mansion. When they got to the kitchen Tony stopped to grab a drink.

"Got any beer?" Logan asked.

Tony gave a small laugh. "Well we didn't use to, but Niki moved in and fixed that pretty quick. It's in that fridge with the lock." he reached in his pocket and pulled out his keys. "It's the small one." he said, throwing them to Logan.

He pulled out a beer and popped the top. He froze mid drink and sniffed the air. Someone smelt really good. The woman he saw outside walked in. He put his beer down and smirked a little, looking her up and down.

She tried to hide her own smirk, and brushed past him, grabbing a beer, then hopped on the counter next to him.

"Uhhh. Niki this is... Wolverine. Wolverine, this is Niki." Tony said, noticing them staring at each other.

"Wolverine, huh?" she said, looking towards him.

For some reason he wanted to smile. He hid it as best he could, but still had a curious look about him. "The one and only."

"Really?"

"MmmHmm." he growled softly, moving in front of her to stand between her legs.

She raised her eyebrows in question, and tried to hide the chill that ran through her. She wasn't one to let people in her personal space, but she thought she would make an exception. He breathed in and had to fight the need to close his eyes. God, she smelt good.

"Well then... Wolverine. How do you like the place?"

"I'm likin' it pretty good, right now." he said, looking down at her body almost touching his.

Tony cleared his throat, looking around uncomfortable.

Logan took a step back and ran a hand through his hair.

"Alright well, I gotta catch a movie with Sophie." she said to Tony. She turned back to Logan as she hopped off the counter. "See ya around, big guy."

"See ya." he said, grinning.

When she was gone, Tony rolled his eyes. "Pants getting a little uncomfortable there, Wolvie?"

"Very funny." Logan said, unamused. "...Hey, she's a feral isn't she?"

Tony nodded. "_Completely_. How'd you know that?"

"Her smell. She got a boyfriend?"

Tony let out a laugh. "No. Niki doesn't keep any long term relationships. Doesn't even bring the guys she sleeps with home. Plus she moves around a lot."

He let out a small growl when he mentioned other guys. He blinked in surprise at his own growl. He didn't expect that at all. He didn't even know her.

"Whoa, man. Take it easy." he said laughing, but also looking a little worried. "Come on, let's go see Chuck."

* * *

Logan walked in the professors office and walked a round, examining the room.

The professor didn't look surprised to see him. "Ahh, you must be, Logan."

Logan's head snapped over to Xavier. "Wolverine." he said, glaring.

Xavier looked unfazed by Logan's outburst, but Logan smelt a hint a fear crawl into the air. "My apologies. Wolverine."

"So can you help me with this?" Logan cut right to the point.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to help you anymore than you can help yourself."

Logan's brows came together in confusion. "What?!" He was going to get worked up fast. It had been a long trip and he could use some sleep. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I'm also afraid I will have to ask you to refrain from such language around the children. As for helping you, sometimes the mind doesn't want to remember certain things. It tries to serve as a shield, to protect us from things we would most likely prefer to forget. If that is the case here, my assistance would be of little help. What is it you remember exactly?"

Logan sighed and started pacing. It was making Xavier nervous and he knew it, but he couldn't stay still. Not right now, anyway.

"Not much. Just flashes of these... people. And.." He didn't know if he didn't finish because he didn't want to tell Xavier, or if he just didn't know how to explain it. "Listen Wheels, I'm just gonna get to know the place. We'll talk later."

"Whenever you're ready to talk, Wolverine."

When Logan left the office, he walked around the mansion taking everything in. The noise was practically non-stop, but considering it was a school that was to be expected. He wondered around outside, walking through the stables, the garden, and a little around the outskirts of the woods that surrounded the place. It really was huge. The sun was starting to set, and he heard someone call for dinner over the intercoms that the mansion had.

He made his way inside and the smell of burgers and hotdogs hit him. He took a deep breath in smelling them, and let out a satisfied rumble.

"With a growl like that, you'd think you've never smelt burgers."

Logan turned and had to force himself not to jump. It was Niki. People couldn't ever manage to sneak up on him, but she did and she didn't even look like she'd been trying. He didn't even smell her until he saw her. He did his best to hide his surprise. It didn't appear to work though. She smirked knowingly, and walked past him.

Dinner at the mansion wasn't always eaten as a group, but about three nights out of the week, everyone ate together.

She sat next to Gambit and Sophie, grabbing a burger and fries. Logan sat across from her, next to Tony and someone he didn't know.

"Hi," the man next to him said, extending a hand. "I'm Scott. Also known as Cyclops."

Logan eyed his hand a moment, before shaking it firmly. "Wolverine. Also known as Wolverine."

Scott winced slightly at Logan's grip, and Niki had to hold back a chuckle.

"Easy, Wolvie." she joked. "Scott's fragile."

Gambit smiled. "You would know, Cherie."

She rolled her eyes. "Mmm, very funny."

She looked over at Sophie, who had her eyes glued to Logan. "Soph? You okay, there?"

Her gaze didn't move from Logan and when she spoke it wasn't to Niki. "So are you like on steroids or something?" she asked Logan, ignoring Niki.

Even though you couldn't see his eyes, you could tell Scott rolled his. "Oh, come on. He is not _that _buff."

Niki's eyebrows shot up. "I think your glasses may be fogging up a bit there, One Eye."

Scott opened his mouth to say something, but Allie shot him a glare and he shut it.

Now it was Logan's turn to hold back a chuckle.

Sophie was still looking at Logan waiting for an answer. He looked up at her and shrugged. "I'm just, pretty active I guess."

She was apparently not finished with questioning him. "How long did it take you to grow that facial hair?"

Niki put a hand on Sophie's shoulder. "_Okay_, I think sharing time is over."

Gambit looked seductively over at Niki, moving his hand up her leg. "Oh but Cherie, I'd love to share with you."

She heard a quiet growl from Logan that she was sure only she could hear. "You know Gambit, I can think of something I'd like to share with you." she said, moving closer to him.

"And what's that?" he said, smiling.

"This." she said, kicking the legs of his chair out from under him. There were several gasps as he hit the floor. She gave a cocky grin and looked down at him. "Ooh. Are you okay? You should really be more careful." she said, innocently.

Gambit looked up, shocked and wide eyed. Logan didn't try to hide his chuckle this time and Tony covered his mouth as he laughed.

Niki sighed. "Well, as entertaining as all of this has been," she said, standing up. "I'm going to take a shower."

Tony eyed her. "Need some help?"

She knew he was joking, but Logan shot him a glare. She could practically see the testosterone in the air.

"If I do, I'll let you know." she said, rolling her eyes. Why were all the men in this place so horny? Before she walked away, she gave Logan a small grin. "See ya, Wolvie."

He shot her a wink and returned the grin. "See ya, darlin."

Logan noticed she didn't touch her food, but nobody seemed to find it odd so he didn't say anything.

* * *

**\\\ Reviews keep me going! They inspire me and I accept critique where it's needed and even some ideas. Feel free.**


	2. Always Bound To Fall

So I made a few typos in the last chapter. I went back and they are now fixed. So this chapter starts a little bit more with Logan and Niki. I'm trying their POV for the first time. It won't always be like that, but I like writing from their view. Anyway, continuing on with the story. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men, etc...

* * *

_You're always bound to fall_  
_There's nothin' you can do_  
_The weight of gravity begins_  
_To pull you down again._

_*********** Nikita's POV ***********_

I couldn't fall asleep... Once again. I wanted to scream I was so frustrated, but I was so tired I couldn't make myself. I sat up, letting out a long sigh. Every time I closed my eyes I saw them. I felt them. The doctors, the drills, those men... I can't forget any of it. As much as I try, I can't. I can't focus and I can feel myself being pulled into the dark. I got up and walked to the bathroom, turning on the shower.

I stepped in when it was still freezing and the cold hit me like a god damn freight train. I hate the cold and with the state I was in, the cold water reminded me of the tank... not my best move. I felt my heart beat faster and I started shaking. I slid down the shower wall and closed my eyes. My mind was racing with memories and I couldn't seem to shut it down. I felt my veins pumping with adrenalin. I hated that I knew it was over, but even the memories could control me. I'm scared it will never be truly over.

I slid out my claws on one hand and pushed them into my other arm. I didn't even really realize it until I did it. I started at my wrist and pushed hard all the way to my elbow. It would kill a human like that... but not me. Nothing will kill me. The pain was terrible and intense, but strangely it centered me. My stomach clenched and for a moment I thought I was going to throw up. I had cut so deep I could see the adamantium of my bones. I watched the blood circle the drain and disappear along with the cut I'd made on my arm.

I sat there a minute longer, leaning my head against the wall, because I was feeling a little dizzy from the loss of blood. When I got up, I turned off the shower and dried myself off, slipping on a pair of panties and loose t-shirt.

I needed something to sleep so I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I didn't put on any pants, considering it was two in the morning no one would be awake.

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass.

"Can't sleep?"

I jumped around, bit back a squeal, my claws shooting out. There was Wolverine sitting at the island in the kitchen, with a smirk on his face.

My claws went back in and I relaxed slightly. "Shit, you sc-" I cut off, not willing to admit he scared me. "What are doing down here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

I narrowed my eyes at him and stared for a second, then reached up to grab another glass. I could feel his eyes scanned my ass as I stood on my tiptoes to reach the glass. I smirked, knowing I was putting on show, but I couldn't help but tease.

* * *

_*********** Logan's POV ***********_

"Does this happen a lot?" she asked.

I shook my head, not quite processing what she said, having been focused on her ass. "What?"

"Not being able to sleep."

Oh, heh. I shrugged. "Oh uh... I don't know. Sometimes, I guess... Yeah." I said, quietly. "It does."

"Yeah, me too." she sat down next to me, and handed me a glass. "Here, drink this."

I took it and eyed it suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Oh just drink it. I'm not gonna poison you or anything." She joked. "It's uh- It's an old remedy of mine." she shrugged when I gave her an odd look. "Helps me sleep. Not that anything ever has much of an effect on me, but... Maybe it's just in my head." she said, looking away.

Hell, why not drink it. What's the worst that could happen. Not like I can die anyway. "Thanks." I said, quietly.

We sat in silence for a while, each in our own thoughts. I caught her staring at my chest a few times, but I didn't say anything, just struggled not to smirk.

Then a thought that I'd been thinking about popped out. "So have you slept with the Cajun?" I asked abruptly, breaking the silence. Didn't really plan on asking it, but oh well.

She almost spit out her drink at that. She managed to swallow, then gave me a funny look. "You mean Gambit?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah sure, if that's what you want to call him."

She shook her head. "No, I haven't slept with him."

I nodded, a little relieved and waited a second before asking another question. "What about Tony?"

She took a second with that one. "Well, you certainly are a curious creature."

I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow. "You didn't answer the question."

"Maybe I didn't want to." she said, raising an eyebrow of her own.

We stared at each other, each challenging the other. Finally she sighed, looking too tired to keep up the stare. "Once, yeah."

I looked away, and bit back a growl. She grinned at me. With her being a feral I know, she knew that when the animal disagreed it was hard to keep it quiet.

"He's a good friend and it just happened one night. It was a few years ago though. Now he's like a brother to me."

I kept my face blank. I knew she couldn't tell what I was thinking, so she changed the subject.

"Hey, you wanna watch a movie or something?" she offered.

I looked at her and for some unknown reason fought the urge to smile. "Yeah, sure."

I sat on the couch and she flipped the TV on. She made herself comfortable and stretched out, putting her feet across my lap. I raised an eyebrow, and grinned at her.

"Comfy?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Right now I am, yeah."

I chuckled slightly and turned my attention to the TV.

* * *

_*********** Nikita's POV ***********_

We watched TV for about an hour before he dozed off, with his hand resting on my leg. I looked over at him when he started shifting around. He looked troubled in his sleep. He let out a pain filled moan and jerked slightly.

I sat up and called his name, softly. "Wolverine." it didn't sound right to me, calling him Wolverine.

"Hey, come on." I put a hand on his shoulder, and his eyes shot open.

In less than a second I was pinned against the wall, with the breath knocked out of me. Damn he was fast. His claws were less than a centimeter away from my sides, inserted in the wall. His eyes flashed yellow. He shook in his head clear, and seemed to realize where he was. His eyes went back to brown, but I stayed still, keeping calm, and letting him calm himself down. His breaths were coming fast and short. I was having trouble catching my breath as well, but I was hiding it better.

He stepped back quickly, retracted his claws, and started pacing. "Fuck. I- I'm sorry. I had a-" he was panicked and breathing hard.

I really wasn't all that effected by his outburst (Having nightmares of my own on a regular fucking basis) and moved from the wall, towards him. I went up to him slowly knowing he was still worked up, but he stopped me holding out a hand, not even looking up.

I sighed and set on the edge of the couch. After all he didn't have a reason to trust or listen to me. "It's okay. Calm down." I said, softly.

"Jesus fucking Christ! I almost killed you and you're telling me to fucking calm_ down_!" he sounded frantic and was almost shouting. He still wasn't looking at me.

"You didn't almost kill me."

"I did."

"You can't kill me, big guy." I let that sink in a minute. "Trust me, I know."

He finally stopped pacing and looked at me. "You heal." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, I've got these too." I said, sliding out her claws. "Don't age either."

He looked at me with wide, disbelieving eyes. "You don't age?"

I slid my claws back in and gave him a sad smile and a shrug. "You're not the only one."

"Why aren't you scared of me?" he asked, sounding shocked that I wasn't. "I can't kill you, but I can still hurt you."

"But you didn't."

"I just pinned you against a wall. My fucking claws were almost in your stomach."

"But they weren't. And I'm fine... Come on, sit down."

He shook his head and closed his eyes. "God _dammit_..."

"It's okay, I'm okay. Relax." I kept my voice low and calm, in hopes to calm him.

He finally sat down and I crawled behind him. I tried to rub the tension out of his shoulders, moving my way up to his neck and in his hair. He sighed and ever so slowly I felt him relax. I wasn't sure why I was doing this, especially for someone I didn't know, but it seemed to calm him.

"Is that why you can't sleep? Nightmares?" I asked.

* * *

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I struggled with whether I should tell her the truth or not. To tell her that fuck yes, I have nightmares. Bad ones. Ones that I wake up screaming from and leave me shaking, sometimes for hours. I never told anyone my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities. But I also didn't usually fall asleep in front of other people. I didn't know her, she didn't know me. We were strangers.

I had decided I wasn't going to tell her, when the answer found it's way to my mouth anyway. "Yeah... You?"

"... Yeah."

"What are they about?" I asked, trying to turn and look at her. It was comforting having her this close. I didn't understand why, in fact it kinda freaked me out a little, but it also made me feel at ease and Wolverine was practically purring inside my head. Hmm, that was new...

"Probably the same thing yours are. I just remember a little more than you."

"What do you mean?" I whispered.

She crawled from behind me, to sit practically on top of me. Not that I minded.

"You were in a lab... right?" she sounded unsure. This was apparently new territory for her as well.

I searched her face as if she would answer to her own question, but I knew she wouldn't.

Finally I nodded. "I think so."

"That's what they're about? The lab?"

I took a deep breath before answering. How much was I gonna tell her? Apparently a good bit, since I can't stop fucking talking for some reason. "Yeah. I don't remember much. Just..."

"Pain?" she finished for me.

Exactly. I nodded again. "The drills, the knives... the blood, and these- men hovering over me."

She looked away and shivered at her own memories. I noticed her shiver and ran a hand down her arm. She looked cold and I had a strange need to wrap her in my arms. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"You alright?" My voice was soft and I absent mindedly traced circles on her arm.

She nodded slowly. "Maybe it's a good thing you don't remember... Some nights I would do anything to not remember."

"Some nights I'd do anything _to_ remember."

"Trust me... you don't want to." her voice was getting slightly shaky. "I should go back upstairs. Try to sleep." she said, getting up.

I moved closer to her for a moment and thought about making her stay and if Wolverine had his way I would have, but I stopped myself and leaned back.

"Night, darlin."

"Night, big guy." she gave me a small smile and went back upstairs.

I sat there a few minutes longer, then went back to my own room and eventually found a restless sleep.

* * *

**\\\ Reviews keep me going! They inspire me and I accept critique where it's needed and even some ideas. Feel free.**


	3. More Than I Should

Ok so just to be clear Nikita is more her mutant/wolf's name. So when you hear her or me refer to her as Nikita's, it's talking about her wolf side. However when another character calls her that, they're usually just calling her unless stated otherwise. Enjoy, everyone!

**_Disclaimer: I do not own X-men, Wolverine, ect..._**

* * *

The next day went by without much event. Niki taught a class, and went shopping with Sophie and Lily. And Logan explored the mansion and its outskirts.

After dinner, Niki went out to the barn for a ride. She just hopped on him bareback and set out for the woods surrounding the mansion. She was only about two minutes into the trail when she heard something. She stopped short. Dodger's head perked up, and his ears went forward. Her eyes scanned the area, but she saw nothing. Then Logan walked out from behind a tree.

"Shit," she breathed. "Are you trying to get me to kill you?" seriously, he just popped up anywhere.

"That's not as easy as you make it sound." he said with a smirk.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Walking." he said. "I can't stay cooped up in that place for long."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." and she did.

That's why she never stayed too long, and if she did, she had to keep herself active.

Dodger stretched his head out, trying to sniff Logan. Logan took a few steps forward, putting his hand on Dodgers neck.

"Want some company?" he asked, looking up at her.

He wore a small smile that made it impossible for her to say no, even if she wanted to. But she found herself wanting him to come with her.

"Sure."

They walked in silence for a while until Niki talked. "So I hear you're a good cage fighter?"

He looked up at her surprised. "And who told you that?"

"All the bartenders in the bars that I cage fight at."

He again looked surprised. "You cage fight?"

She let out a small laugh at the expression on his face. "Don't look so shocked. I make some good money doing it."

"Wait..." he stopped and thought for a second. "Niki?... Niki. Holy shit, you're Nikita?!"

"Yep." she had stopped and turned Dodger, so she was now facing him.

"Holy shit!"

"Whoa," she said. "Calm down there, big guy."

"You're supposed to be like... amazing!"

"I'm far from that... Besides you don't sound so bad yourself."

"Yeah, but you've knocked out guys like ten times your size."

"I'm sure you have too. Sometimes healing has it's advantages." she grinned.

She seemed to do that a lot when she was around him and finding it wasn't forced, it was natural. When he was around she wanted to smile and it confused her, but she decided not to think about it. "Come on, let's go."

They walked over an hour in a comfortable silence or talking about people they had encountered on the road and sharing humorous stories about them.

Before Logan knew it they were back. He hadn't even realized they had gone in a giant circle, let alone that they had been walking over an hour. In all honesty, Niki hadn't either. Dodger had really been choosing their route.

"I guess I should put him away." she said, sliding off Dodgers back. It was dark by now and the air had cooled down.

"I'll walk with you."

She put him out in a big pasture with a few other horses and walked out. Logan shut the fence behind her, and cocked his head like he had a question.

She gave him a questioning look, but couldn't quite hide her smile.

"How long have you been riding?" he finally asked.

"Depends on what you're referring to." she said, moving closer to him.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Is that so?"

"Mmhmm."

He moved closer to her and his arm made it's way around her waist, then Gambit came out from behind the barn.

"Oh Niki. It's you." he said, knowing he was intruding. He had a cocky grin on his face and his arms were crossed.

Logan and Niki jumped at his voice. Logan took a step back and cleared his throat, but kept one arm around her waist, keeping her pulled against his side. It was a possessive act, but Niki doubted he even realized he was doing it.

"I was wondering who was out here this late." Gambit said.

Niki clearly annoyed, glared at him. "What are you doing out here at all? You're scared of horses."

Gambit looked embarrassed at that. "I'm not scared Cherie, I'm just... not all that fond of 'em. And I wanted to take a walk."

"Whatever. I'm going inside."

Logan kept his arm around her waist, walking inside with her.

Sophie ran up to them as soon as they got through the door. "Hey Niki," she paused at the sight before her, but then continued talking. She knew it was best not to say anything. At least right now. "Uh... I need you and Lily to help me pick out something to wear tonight."

"Sure," she said, as cheerfully as she could. "I'll be up in a minute, okay?"

Sophie smiled and started walking to her room. "Take your time." she stopped short and turned back to them. "Oh and Wolvie, Tony was looking for you. Some of the guys are shooting pool. They wanted to know if wanted to join."

"Is there beer?"

"If there's not then the kids have been taking it from the fridge, cause it's not in there." and with that she was gone.

Logan let out a purposefully dramatic sigh. Niki turned to him and tried not to laugh. He let out a deep chuckle and pulled her to him. She wanted to kiss him. Scratch that, she wanted to fuck him senseless. Or more she wanted him to fuck her senseless.

But she also just wanted him to wrap his arms around her. She wanted his scent on her, because his scent made her feel at ease. They both turned serious as they looked at each other.

"Thank you." he said, quietly.

She cocked her head to the side, looking puzzled. "For what?"

He shrugged. "Letting me walk with you. Listening to me... Not- not telling anyone that-that I..."

She gave him a small smile and moved a hand to his cheek. "Nothin' to thank me for, big guy." She knew he was talking about his nightmare and he was obviously not used to trusting people.

He dropped his eyes, and moved his hand to rest on hers, tracing the path of her claws as he moved his hand down. He leaned into her touch and turned his head to kiss her palm. Her breath caught and her heart fluttered. She noticed his breaths were deep, as if was trying to calm himself.

He looked at her again and smiled. His eyes sparkled as they met hers and she smiled back. An actual smile, the kind that made her own eyes sparkle, which hadn't happened in a very long time.

"Night, darlin." it was said in a soft growl, that made desire rise in her.

"Night." she smiled as she slowly pulled away to make her way to Sophie's room.

It took all Logan had not to chase her down and slam her into a wall, so he could have his way with her. Wolverine his head and howled. He wanted her just as much as Logan did, but now was not the time and he didn't want to mess up whatever it was they were doing. It felt natural, and Wolverine was trying to break through and claim what he thought was his.

His eyes flashed yellow for the briefest moment. He shook his head clear and went to find Tony. He could already tell this was going to be a long night.

* * *

Niki walked into the room and was immediately attacked by two pairs of curious eyes. She let out an exhausted groan and dropped onto the bed. "I don't wanna talk about it, you guys."

Sophie plopped down beside her. "Well we do, so spill."

"Aren't we supposed to be picking out clothes for you to wear?"

Lily sat down gently beside her. "Come on, Nik. Talk to us? Please?" she always tried the nicer, calmer approach.

Niki let out a soft sigh. "Honestly... There's not much to talk about."

"Oh, please." Sophie said, obviously not believing her.

"I promise, there's not. We've just been talking. That's it. Can we talk about something else?... Like your hot date?" she smirked and raised an eyebrow at Sophie when she said the last part.

"I can't believe he wants to meet you so late." Lily said, getting off the bed and going to the closet.

"Well he likes clubs and the clubs liven up at midnight." She looked at the clock and her eyes got wide. "Shit, it's already 10:50? How did that happen?"

Niki got up and stood next to Lily, looking in the closet. "Relax, Soph. All you gotta do is throw your clothes on and your ready."

"I haven't finished my makeup yet. And we have to pick out shoes and-"

"Whoa," Niki said. "Calm down. It won't take long. Here," she said, throwing her a short baby blue and black club dress. "Wear that."

Sophie was a tall blonde with blue eyes, a few freckles here and there, and a good figure. She caught the dress and slipped it on.

"I can work with this." she said confidently.

"Yep," Niki said walking over to her. "Now all you have to do is finish your make-up and you're good to go."

"So is this guy as amazing as you say?" Lily asked.

Sophie stopped and sat on the bed. She looked over at Lily and smiled. "Yeah... He is. He really is."

Niki wasn't so sure, but she was supportive of her friends decision until she had a reason not to be.

Lily gave her a smile. "Well I'm glad you're happy."

Niki sighed and pulled her hair out of her face. "Okay you guys, I'm gonna go hit the shower." she said, waving at them. "Have fun tonight, Soph."

"You know I will." she said, smiling.

* * *

_Your breakdown was easy to see_  
_And it took you away, further from me_  
_Sifting through mishaps and photographs_  
_I think of you, much more than I should_  
_More than I should_

* * *

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I hung out with the guys a couple hours then head up stairs. I took a quick shower, threw a pair of boxers on, and collapsed on the bed. I glanced at the clock and it was already 1:15. I sighed and rolled over, trying to get comfortable. It was like my body was trying to protect my mind by not letting me fall asleep. It was remarkably easy last night when I was with Niki, but not after I went back upstairs.

My mind was on Niki. Even when I was with the guys, I couldn't stop thinking about her. My chest had, had an aching feeling in it since the moment I couldn't see her anymore. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was going crazy.

Eventually I fell asleep, only to be woken by a nightmare. I sat up and looked at the clock, it read 2:30. I decided to go to the kitchen and see if Niki was there, sure enough she was.

"This where you spend all your nights?" I asked, walking in.

Her hair down and wavy, almost covering her whole face. She was looking down at the glass in her hands and I noticed for the first time, the cross hanging from her neck. When she didn't answer, I sat down across from her. I searched her face, but she still didn't look up from her glass. She had a haunted look about her and she closed her eyes.

I tilted my head like a curious puppy. "You okay?" I asked, softly. It sounded strange, I wasn't used to my voice sounding 'soft'.

She opened her eyes and nodded. I noticed she was shaking, but I didn't know if it was from being cold or something else.

"You sure?" I could tell something was wrong, but didn't know what her reaction would be if I pushed for an answer.

She nodded again. "Yeah." she whispered.

I waited a moment, seeing if she would look up and meet my gaze. When she didn't I reached over the kitchen island to brush the hair from her face. When I reached towards her, she flinched at the movement. I paused for a second, then continued moving my hand towards her. Her gaze was uncertain and she watched me every step of the way while I brushed the hair from her face.

I left my hand in her hair and kept my eyes on her. "I'm not gonna hurt you, darlin."

She finally looked at me. The bit of lightness that was in her eyes earlier was now completely gone. Now they were dark and troubled and had a hint of beautiful dark purple in them. She looked like she could destroy something, or someone at any moment.

Her eyes went down again and she tried to put her head down, but my hand kept it up.

"Niki." I said it firmly, hoping she would look at me. It worked, because she met my eyes again. Being assertive works, I noted.

"I- I ca..." she trailed off and closed her eyes tight, shaking her head.

"Hey you're okay, darlin. Look at me." my voice was low and calming, trying not to agitate her more than she already was.

I don't know why I want to find out what's wrong with her. It's not my business. Yet here I am.

When she opened her eyes and looked at me, she was like a wounded animal. It made my breath hitch and there was that damn need to hold her again.

"What happened, darlin?... What's wrong?"

She pulled her knees up to her chest and curled into herself. "I- I'm fine. I just- I don't- I..."

"Take your time. It's okay." I purred softly, at her.

I stood up slowly and moved over to the other side to sit next to her. Her eyes followed my every move as I walked over. She was still shaking and couldn't seem to stop. I had a shirt on, but it was unbuttoned, so I slipped it off and slid it over her shoulders, rubbing her arms.

_*********** Niki's POV ***********_

His scent washed over me and I subconsciously leaned ever so slightly into him, taking a deep breath. He put his arm around me and ran his hand through my hair. It almost made me close my eyes, but I was so confused, so in the dark, I couldn't really tell what was going on. I could however feel them on me. I could almost see them. I just wanted it to all go away.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

"I can still feel them." she whispered.

I tried to look at her, but from the position we were in I could only see the top of her head. "Feel who?"

I felt a violent shudder hit her and tightened my grip on her. She didn't answer my question, she didn't even seem to hear it.

She pulled away and looked me in the eyes. Hers were still purple and very dark. God they were beautiful, but she looked hurt, troubled... and scared.

"I just wanna go to sleep and they won't even let me do that!" her voice was quiet, but urgent sounding. "No matter what I do they won't- they won't leave me alone. I- I feel them."

She sounded desperate. Desperate for what I didn't know. Desperate to sleep, for someone to understand?

I had an aching feeling she was talking about the lab, or more like the people that ran it. "It's okay, darlin." I still kept my voice soft and low.

She still looked like she could snap at any moment. "No one's gonna hurt you."

She searched my face, looking for a trace of a lie, but found none. She put her head down and grasped the cross on her neck, letting out shaky breath. "I'm just so tired... I can't even think straight."

Then it looked like she realized what she was saying. That she was unguarded, that her walls were down, and she was talking to a man she didn't even really know. She looked like she was fighting some kind of inner battle. Her eyes shut tight for a minute and when she opened them, they were still troubled, but they were no longer purple. "I shouldn't even be down here, I don't know why I came down..." she looked at me and stood up.

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

The expression on his face was soft, but he looked at me concerned. I noticed and stopped to look at him. I couldn't believe myself. That I had been that weak, especially in front of someone. But I pulled myself back as quick as I could.

"I'm okay, I just..." I trailed off, not knowing how to explain myself. Mostly because, no I wasn't okay. Not even close and hadn't been in a very, very long time. But I deal with it. I have to.

His expression didn't change and his gaze didn't leave mine. He knew I wasn't okay. Although some how I had pulled myself together within minutes, and managed to appear okay.

_*********** Third Person ***********_

She shrugged and put her arms around herself, like she was cold. "I'm sorry." she said, simply. "That doesn't ever... That hasn't happened before."

"How come I don't believe you?" He called her out on her lie, but did it gently.

She smiled sadly at that. Not at all surprised he didn't believe her. "The same reason I don't believe me... Cause it probably isn't true."

He wanted to say something, do something, but he didn't know what. He just kept looking at her.

She went to shrug his shirt off and give it to him, but he stopped her. "Keep it."

She stopped and pushed it back up over her shoulders, giving him a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Night, big guy." she whispered.

"Night, darlin." He said, sadly.

He didn't want to let her walk away, but he didn't figure he had much of a choice. Wolverine was fighting it hard, knowing something was wrong with her and wanting to comfort her, but Logan reined him in.

He waited a few minutes before heading up and going to his own room. After about an hour he fell into another restless sleep.

Niki on the other hand was awake in her room. She was crouched in a corner with her knees to her chest and an almost empty bottle of tequila. She was finally starting to drift off.

In all actuality she knew why she had gone down to the kitchen. She was hoping he would be down there. It was Nikita more than anything, that led her down there. Nikita wanted to see him, to be with him.

But the longer she waited, the more she could hear them in her head, feel them on her body. She needed someone to snap her back to reality. She knew it was over and that they were gone and done with, but she couldn't shake the feeling lately.

When Logan did come down, she had already lost a little to Nikita and her eyes had gone purple.

After she pulled herself together, she felt weak for wanting the comfort from him. Why would he even give it to her. He didn't know her. Why should she need it. In her mind she didn't need it. And even if she did, she couldn't take it. She wouldn't.

She shook her head at her stupidity and pushed herself up and onto the bed, curling up. She looked at her arm. She pulled up the sleeve slowly and slid out a claw, slowly cutting from her wrist to the crook of her elbow. She didn't cut deep, so there wasn't much blood before she healed, but it would have been enough to kill someone without healing powers.

She felt tears come to her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. And she hadn't since the lab. She would shut herself down and wait for it to pass. She watched resentfully as it healed. Once it did, her eyes finally started drifting shut. She pulled his shirt tighter around her, breathing in his scent and finally fell asleep.

* * *

**\\\ Reviews keep me going! They inspire me and I accept critique where it's needed and even some ideas. Feel free.**


	4. Stay Here With Me

So I'm trying to update at a good pace, haha. So as much as I love this story, it hasn't gotten nearly as many follows, reviews, or favorites as my last two.

If you like, please review, follow, etc... It means a lot and as a writer it's very helpful to get feedback. And as I've said before, I accept critique were it's needed. Thank you all! \\\

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men, Wolverine, etc...

* * *

Niki woke up a little before eight. She lied in bed a few minutes longer before finding the motivation to get her ass out of bed. She sat up, pulled a pair of shorts on and went downstairs. It was a Saturday so a lot of people were still asleep, especially the kids.

When she got to the kitchen, she flopped herself down on a chair at the island, still feeling tired.

"Well good morning, sunshine." Tony said, sarcastically.

She shot him a glare in response. Tony put his hands up in mock surrender and went back to his own business. Scott was also there. He was frying eggs and Logan was sitting across from her at the island, drinking coffee and chewing on a cigar.

Logan studied her quietly. Her long hair was a wild mane of waves that he was finding extremely sexy. He noticed he she was still wearing the tank top she had on last night and his unbuttoned shirt was still on her. The need to launch himself over the counter and bury his hands in her hair or run them over her body was just barely kept in check.

"Mornin, darlin." he said, giving her a wink and a small smile. He had the same soft tone as he had last night. Nobody ever used that tone on her and she liked that he did.

She gave him a small smile in return. He slid his coffee over to her, which she took gratefully. "Thanks."

He nodded and lit his cigar. Scott turned around and snatched it out of his hand. Logan paused with his hand half way to his mouth, surprised and slightly amused by Scott. He turned to Scott who was holding the cigar in his hand and raised in eyebrow at him.

"You gonna give that back? Or do I have to beat the shit outta ya?" Logan growled.

Niki looked at Scott who didn't appear to have any plans on giving it back. "Scott, just give it back. Jean will have a bitch fit if he hurts you."

"He can't smoke this in here. There are children." Scott said, appalled.

Logan stood up and moved to stand in Scott's personal space. "Well, I can either smoke it in here, or I can shove it up your a-"

"Oookay!" Tony interrupted. "As much as I'd like to see you guys try to beat the shit out of each other... Don't you think it's a little early for that?"

He got no response as Logan and Scott both kept staring each other down. Though Scott seemed intimidated, now that Logan had stood up and gotten in his face.

"Scott just give it back." Niki tried again. "The professor lets me smoke in the mansion." Then she looked at Logan. "Just try not to do it in front of the kids."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Logan said, like the smart ass he was. It made her grin and Scott frown, but he gave it back to Logan.

"Thank ya' kindly."

Niki once again grinned at his sarcasm. Logan sat back down and winked at her again. "Hungry?" he asked.

"No, not really." she said taking a sip of coffee.

"How come I don't believe you?" he asked, echoing his words from last night.

Her gaze shot to his, narrowing her eyes at him and the corners of her mouth came up in the smallest smile. There was a hint of playfulness in his voice and he was grinning.

He got up and started going through the cabinets. Cigar between his teeth.

She cocked an eyebrow as she watched him. "What're you doing?" she asked, seemingly amused.

He looked at her like the answer was obvious. "Making you breakfast."

"Whhyyy?"

"Cause you're hungry."

"I'm not."

"Well, I'm gonna make it anyway."

Tony grinned at them and pushed Scott towards the door.

"Why are you pushing me?" Scott asked, oblivious to what was going on.

"Cause we're gonna be late for..." he paused a second when he couldn't think of anything. "That- thing."

Scott looked confused, but walked in the direction Tony was pushing him. "Am I missing something?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Let's go."

After they were gone, Niki hopped up on the counter, sitting next to where he was standing.

"So what are you making?"

"Pancakes. Hand me that spoon, will ya?"

She looked at the spoon across the counter and reached for it. She stretched her arm and her body across the counter trying to reach it, with out much luck.

Logan stopped and watched her with an eye brow cocked and a smirk on his face. "Your ass glued to that counter?"

She froze and turned her head to look at him. "No," she said, matter of factly. "I just happen to be saving my energy."

He chuckled and took the few steps, grabbing the spoon and placing it in her hand that was still stretching for it. He walked back over to the bowl.

"Here's your spoon." she said, grinning.

He took it from her and chuckled. "So kind of you."

He stirred the mix, then poured some in the pan and added butter. She sat quietly and watched him the whole time. He moved gracefully, yet forcefully. And she could see his muscles flex with each movement. She was mezmorized by him.

The smell of pancakes filled the air and her stomach growled. Logan gave her a half smile and flipped the pancake out of the pan and into the air, landing it back in the pan with ease. "Still not hungry?"

"I might be comin' around. How'd you do that?" she asked, referring to him flipping the pancake.

He shrugged and licked some batter of his finger. "Talent." he said, wiggling his eye brows at her. "Alright, how many do you want?"

"Uuhhhh, how bout one."

He handed her a plate and stepped in front of her. "Uuhhhh, how bout two?"

"I don-"

"Niki," he said, turning serious and cutting her off. " You need to eat, darlin."

"What difference does it make?" she sounded resentful, but not at him. It sounded like it was at herself. "Not like I can die."

"You don't have to torture yourself, darlin."

She was silent a moment and her eyes grew slightly darker before she whispered. "Someone has to."

He looked at her sadly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He thought for a minute, then gave a her a grin. "Then I'm gonna torture you with my cooking."

She gave a small smile and brushed her hand over his cheek. "Just this once." she said.

"Come on." he said, grabbing the pancakes.

He sat at the island and she followed suit, sitting across from him. He slipped two on her plate and the other five he'd made on his.

She raised her eyebrows at him and smirked. "I take it your hungry."

"Starving." he said, taking a huge mouth full.

By the time she made it through the first pancake, he had already finished three of his. She stopped a quarter of the way through the second one. They were actually really good, but she was already feeling full.

"I really can't eat anymore." she said.

He sighed, but nodded. He shoved the last bite of his pancake in his mouth, then grabbed their plates.

"I'll clean them off. Just leave 'em there." she offered.

"Ahh, it's alright I got it. The only thing I gotta do today is see the professor, and I'm not exactly in a rush to do that."

She came up beside him and looked out the window. "I'm sorry about last night, big guy."

He glanced over at her. She was still looking out the window. He dried the plates off and put them away, then turned to her. "Why are you sorry, darlin?"

"I'm not usually... like that." her gaze wasn't moving from the window.

"Like what?"

"Like... I don't know... weak?" she offered. She felt weak even saying the word.

"You're not weak." he said, firmly.

"Last night I was." She was holding on to the counter and he saw her grip tighten on it.

"How so?"

She turned and looked at him. "I... I couldn't even keep control."

"You got it back." he shrugged. "You can't keep it all the time."

"I should be able to. Especially after this many years." she sounded mad at herself.

"Do you ever wanna let go?... Just let her be in charge?"

"... All the time." She sighed and gave him a small smile. It wasn't a real one like yesterday and he wanted to get that back. "Thanks for breakfast, big guy."

"Yeah." His jaw was set.

Obviously she didn't want to talk about it and he was trying not to press her.

She could tell she was frustrated, but she couldn't find it in herself to really talk about it.

"See ya later?"

He nodded and did his best to give her a smile. "See ya, darlin."

When she was gone he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. She kept shrugging him off. He didn't know why he cared so much. It's wasn't like I had some sort of attachment to her. Yet he wanted to be with her. For her to talk to him.

Gambit walked in and Logan quickly straightened himself up.

"Mornin'." Gambit greeted.

Logan simply nodded and left the kitchen. Might as well talk to Xavier now rather than later.

* * *

Xavier looked up as Logan walked in his office. "Ahh, Wolverine. Please sit."

Logan looked at the chairs, but kept standing.

Xavier nodded. "However you feel most comfortable."

"So how are we gonna figure this thing out?"

"I believe Jean should run some test on you. It will help us figure out more about what happened."

Logan tensed at the word test, but kept himself still.

"As for reading your mind, we can try in a few days if you'd like."

Logan nodded. "When do I need to do the- the test thing." he said it in a rush.

"Jean will be back in the lab in three days."

He was in absolutely no hurry to be in any sort of lab, but he nodded.

"I will tell Jean to set it up. Be in the lab at one o' clock tomorrow. Anything else I can do for you, Wolverine?"

Logan started to say no then paused, changing his mind. "Yeah, actually. What's Niki's story?"

Xavier raised his eyebrows. "Nikita?"

"Yeah."

"I'm afraid that is something she alone can tell you. She is not one for sharing her life story."

"I noticed... See ya, wheels."

Logan helped Tony and Scott out with a few things around the mansion and made a run to town. He didn't see Niki at dinner which wasn't a big surprise, but he decided he wouldn't wait in the kitchen for her. Instead he went to his room, took a shower and tried to go to sleep.

* * *

_Cause I need you to stay here with me  
To stay here with me  
I don't want you to leave_

* * *

_*********** Niki's POV ***********_

I hadn't gone to dinner. I didn't want to eat and I didn't really want to deal with everybody. The day had been okay, but I was tired and just wanted to be left alone. Although I did find myself wanting to see Wolverine. I didn't let myself go downstairs though. And even as I paced the floor, I told myself I didn't need to, that I was fine.

I haven't needed anybody in all these years. I wasn't going to start now. I was being weak for wanting to see him. God, what the hell's wrong with me? I need to get a grip.

Then I felt them. They were all over me. I could feel their presence in the room. I could almost see them.

Slowly the anxiety built in my chest and I started breathing hard. I hated myself for this. That this was happening more and more over the years. That it wasn't decreasing, it was increasing and I couldn't get a hold on it. That I hadn't been happy in God knows how long. That I couldn't let myself love somebody. That I couldn't die.. That even though I'd been alone for all my life, I was scared of being that way forever.

My claws shot out as all these thoughts came rushing like an avalanche into my head. I ended up sending everything that was on my nightstand flying across the room, barely suppressing a scream. It made a loud crash but I knew no one would come to see what it was. They were all used to me making noise. I took a few shaky breaths, God, I was hyperventilating. I slid down the wall, ending up with my knees to my chest.

I closed my eyes and slowly my breathing went back to normal. After sitting there a few minutes, I opened my eyes and saw Logan's shirt lying on her chair. I got up and grabbed it, slipped it on, then crashed onto the bed. I had surprisingly kept myself under control. Now as long as I could get to sleep and not have any nightmares, it would be a success.

I was almost asleep when I heard a muffled noise. My brows came together and I opened her eyes when I heard it again. Slowly I sat up and listened. It sounded like a person. I got up and went into the hallway. It was coming from Logan's room. He was obviously having a nightmare, so I opened the door and walked in.

"Wolverine?" I called quietly.

I knew that calling his name wouldn't work, that I would have to go and shake him out of it. I wasn't looking forward to it though. I walked over and sat on the bed.

"Come on, big guy. Wake up." I was whispering softly.

Being as gently as I could, I put my hand on his arm. If it was anything like last night I would have to move quick to get out of the way, or risk getting impaled by his claws. Although I'd been through a lot worse so the idea didn't seem to bad. I also hoped that he would have control when he woke up, like he did last night. He seemed to have a better grip on control than I did. Not that I would admit that.

I started running my hand down his arm subconsciously trying to calm him. "Come on, big guy."

He woke with a start, his claws shot out, but he didn't roar like last night. He sat half way up before he realized it was just a bad dream and I was above him, talking softly. He looked scared for a second and his eyes held the slightest yellow, but within five seconds they were back to brown and his claws retracted. Damn, he really had a hold on it.

I held my ground when he shot up and put a hand on his chest. I don't really know what I said, but whatever it was, it stopped him.

He let himself fall back down to the bed and closed his eyes, letting out a long breath.

"Shit." he mumbled.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I ran a hand over my face and sighed. Her eyes didn't leave me, she had a concerned look and she kept her hand on my chest. I was glad it was there though. Once I got a bit of my mind back I looked at her.

"Sorry." I said, opening my eyes.

She squinched her eyebrows slightly together. "Not your fault, big guy."

Yeah, right. "Then who's fault is it?"

"The bastards that did this to us." she dropped her eyes, not letting me see whatever was hiding in them.

I sighed again and looked her hand on my chest. I reached up, covering it with mine and noticed that I was shaking from the nightmare.

I quietly cursed again. "God, I'm fucked up."

She shrugged and looked at me. "We all are... Some of us just hide it better."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah..."

"You okay?" she asked.

I didn't want to say yes, but I didn't want to say no, so I held up a shaky hand and showed it to her.

"That answer your question?" I joked.

She grabbed my hand and layed it on the bed. "Yeah, it does."

I closed my eyes again, concentrating on not shaking.

"Want me to go?" She asked.

I shook my head and opened my eyes. Fuck no, I didn't want her to go. I wanted her to stay, but didn't know if I should ask her to. But when she was here next to me, it made me feel better. She was calming, even peaceful. I fought the need to roll my eyes at myself for thinking something like that.

Could I even ask her? How would I? And if I do... well who's the weak one then? Me, that's who. I want a woman to stay with so I feel better.

Jesus, I really need to pull myself together.

But I'm shaking, I'm cold, and I hate seeing them, feeling them in my nightmares, but not really knowing what was happening or why. I feel the pain though. And they fuck with me emotionally. I want to know, but I don't. It scares me... knowing what I may have been. And every time I'm alone it haunts me. I want- No, I need her to stay with me.

"Could you... I need you to..." I couldn't get out what I wanted to say.

I didn't really know what I wanted to say. I shoulda thought this out... Too late now. I didn't want to seem vulnerable or weak, but I'd be damned if I let her leave this room.

Then I figured, why not just ask her, dumb-ass?

"Stay with me? I just..." my eyes softened and I brushed her hair out of her face. "Let me hold you, maybe?"

I didn't want her to think all I wanted was sex. I mean, yeah I wanted that and Wolverine was howling for it, but this, whatever it was that we were doing was diferent than anything I'd done before and I wasn't about to do something to fuck it up. Tonight I was exausted and all I wanted to do was sleep with her in my arms. And I was having trouble believing that myself, but I thought maybe it would help me sleep. Although I wasn't sure she trusted me enough to do that.

_*********** Third Person ***********_

Her breath caught at his question, but she tried not to show it. How could she say no.

She nodded and he let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. She slipped under the covers, her heart doing flips and his arm immediately went around her. His scent washed over her and she wanted melt into him. She practically did. Her body fit perfectly with his. He pulled her as close as he could and took a deep breath, taking in her scent. His hand was resting on her stomach and she put her hand on his, snuggling even closer to him. He kissed her hair and let out a content growl, sending shivers down her back.

"Night, darlin."

"Night, big guy."

They both fell asleep within minutes, wrapped around each other.


	5. Restless And Torn

Good God, this is the longest chapter I've ever written... Well you got a big dose this round, haha. I'd like to thank ChickensOnSpeed and whysoserious00 for their kind reviews. It means a lot to me, so I thank you.

Please review and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men, Wolverine, etc...

* * *

It was almost 9:30 when they woke up in the morning. Niki stirred first. She jumped awake when she realized someone was next to her.

When she remembered the events from last night and opened her eyes seeing Logan, she relaxed.

She had woken Logan up and he was now looking at her with a strange and tired expression on his face.

"Sorry." she said, quietly. "I forgot where I was."

He nodded and layed his head back down on the pillow. "You alright?" he asked.

They were still flush against each other. Their legs were intwined, she was half on top of him and one of his arms was wrapped around her while the other was resting on his chest, with his hand on top of hers.

_*********** Niki's POV ***********_

I looked down at our hands and nodded. I found myself wanting to smile. "Yeah..."

He closed his eyes, ran his fingers up and down my arm and let out a content sigh. I watched him as he lied there, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. I wanted to run my hands over his chest, I wanted his strength. Not physically, but mentally. He seemed stronger than I could ever hope to be. I didn't want to take it from him, I just wanted to have it too. I wanted to lay my head back down and lie in his arms, because that was were I felt safe. But would that be weakness?

I've lived my life trying to avoid this. Trying to avoid getting close to someone, to avoid letting them get close to me, but here I was failing miserably. And I didn't even know what he wanted.

I could get up right now. I could leave the mansion, go back on the road and not come back. Wasn't that what I always did when things got complicated? But did I want that? No... I didn't. I felt safe in this moment. With his arm around me and my hand in his. I didn't want to go anywhere, despite the growing anxiety in my chest.

I told myself it was for him. That he needed my help. That he wanted it and it had nothing to do with what I wanted or needed. But even as I told myself that, I knew it wasn't true. He didn't need me, because he was stronger than me. Sure maybe he wanted me to stay with him and maybe it had comforted him, but he didn't need it.

Last night I had fallen asleep in less than ten minutes and I can never remember doing that. And the second his arms went around me, I _did_ feel safe, something I hadn't felt in a long, long time. And it felt right. I wanted to be with him.

He looked completely relaxed, like he didn't have a single care in the world. My hand came up and ran through his hair. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I already had. He opened his eyes and gave a soft smile.

Then it hit me, I sat up. I couldn't do this. I couldn't stay here. Not in this bed at least. What am I doing? This isn't something I do. I won't let myself get close to him. Because what happens if I do? I learn to depend on someone? I start to need it? No. That's not happening. It can't. I can't because something will go wrong. I can't because I won't ever die... Ever.

Every time the realization of that hits me, I want more than anything to die. I couldn't breathe. I had to get out of this room.

"I should go." I said, getting out of the bed.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I could tell the second she put her walls up. Her eyes got distant and she tensed the slightest bit. I knew she was getting ready to leave. I didn't blame her. Not really anyway. Like I said before, we don't know each other so... But I don't want her to go and I have a feeling she doesn't really wanna go. But she will. And I'll let her, because it's not my place to stop her... Not yet.

"You don't have to." I said, sitting up.

She looked at me a moment and looked like she was struggling with herself. "I do."

I nodded and looked away, because I didn't know what else to do.

She looked like she fought with herself for a moment, then walked back over and sat on the bed again, waiting for me to look at her. When I didn't she called quietly.

"Hey, you okay?"

I looked at her and swallowed. Well, I was and I wasn't. I was because after my nightmare, I'd had a good nights sleep with her in my arms. I felt relaxed, peaceful even and I knew that if she hadn't been there I wouldn't have even been able to go back to sleep.

I wasn't however okay with her leaving my side. The Wolverine was possessive and I felt it rising in me.

Instead of answering her question, I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, putting a possessive hand on the back of her neck. "Thank you." I whispered roughly.

She gave a small smile and nodded, getting up.

Right before she closed the door I called her name. "Niki," I don't know what I planned to say so I was quiet for a second. I wasn't gonna ask her to stay. I wasn't. "See ya, darlin."

She gave another small smile, "See ya, big guy." she said, shutting the door.

* * *

_*********** Third Person ***********_

Niki was had just finished working out when Tony walked up to her.

"Hey," he started. "I need to talk to you."

Niki threw her towel over her shoulder and grabbed her drink. "About?"

"I think I'm gonna ask Lily to marry me." He said it fast, she almost didn't understand him.

Her eyes widened and she turned around, looking at him in question. "Are you being serious right now? Don't fuck with me."

"I'm completely serious." he said, nervously. "What do you think?"

She didn't really know. She was kind of shocked. "I mean... I don't know. I guess... Wow."

He rolled his eyes. "Well if this is the reaction I'm gonna get from her, I'd better rethink."

"Oh shut up!" she said. "I'm happy for you. She loves you."

And she was happy for him. He loves Lily and Lily loves him.

"Thanks." he said.

Niki had sat on the bench to rest from her workout. Tony came and sat next to her. They sat in silence and Niki could tell he was going to ask her if she was okay. He always did that. It was sweet that he cared, but constantly being asked if she was okay drove her insane. Especially since he was really the only one to ever notice.

"Are you okay, Nik?"

And there it was.

She rolled her eyes. "Tony, don't do this."

"I'm just worried, Nik. You look tired."

"Well, you don't exactly look like a ray of freakin' sunshine." she snapped.

"Niki... Did you eat anything today?" he asked.

She stood up, getting agitated and her eyes grew cold. "What is this, Tony? I'm fine. Leave it alone."

He knew better to get in an argument with her. He stood no chance. They'd gotten into a few before, but he always backed down and he never argues with her anymore. He does however worry about her.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" he asked, quietly.

She kept the coldness in her eyes and shrugged, looking away.

"I'm not doing anything to myself... It's just how I am." she whispered coldly.

Tony sighed and got up. As he walked past her, he stopped and kissed her cheek.

"You're not alone." he whispered.

Her expression didn't change as he walked away. She stood still until she heard the doors shut behind him. When they did shut, she let out a shaky breath and sank to the floor.

She didn't know why she did this to herself. Tony was constantly trying to help her, but she wouldn't take it. Wouldn't even except that she needed help, because in her mind she didn't.

She was tired. Not just physically, but mentally. She didn't feel like she could take anymore, yet she had no choice. There was nothing she could do about it and she hated that. She would never be able to find the peace of finally slipping away. She would never have an end. That thought scared her terribly. Every time she thought about it, it was like a bullet to the heart.

* * *

_It's getting louder_  
_I feel hands around my throat_

_How do you love someone?_  
_How do you love someone?_  
_How do you love someone_  
_So restless and torn?_

_You're so beautiful and true_  
_Dark and lovely_  
_You stole my heart before I could give it away_

* * *

She was so lost in her own thoughts that when the doors opened, she jumped up and her claws shot out.

"Whoa," Logan said, holding up his hands. "Easy, darlin."

She dropped her gaze from his.

"Sorry." she mumbled.

His brows furrowed as he looked at her. "You okay?"

She didn't answer. She just cursed at herself and threw one of the chairs across the room, watching it break as it flew backwards and hit the wall.

She closed her eyes at tried to take deep breaths.

He was seemingly unaffected by it and walked over to the bench, sitting down.

"I'm takin' that as a no." he said, smoothly.

She opened her eyes and he had that look again. It was the same one from last night. The one that made her want him to wrap her in his arms. It almost broke her... Almost.

"I- I'm fine. I just... had to get that out of my system, that's all."

He didn't believe her and she knew it.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Again with the lies?" he said.

"You don't know me." she snapped.

"You won't let me." he snapped back, standing up. His voice was firm, demanding attention.

When he stood up and walked closer to her, she suddenly felt smaller. His scent wrapped around her and she felt a little shaky at the knees. God, the dominance coming from him was making her want him even more.

When she spoke again her voice was still strong. She wasn't going to let his affect on her show.

"You don't want to." she said.

"You don't know what I want."

He was in her space and he knew it was affecting her. She wasn't showing it, but he smelt it. He wasn't really surprised that she held her ground. Although he wasn't used to it. People holding their ground, that is. Especially not women. Not that he usually threatened women, but they were always extremely submissive around him.

"No. I don't." she said. "But I do know I don't need your help or anyone else."

"Seems to me you do."

"Where do you get off saying that!? You. Don't. Know. Me." she was starting to yell. "I don't need anyone. I haven't ever before. I don't know why it should be any different now. And I sure as fuck don't know why you or anyone else cares. I can't die so who gives a fuck!?"

Logan voice was rising as well. "So because you can't die, nobody's supposed to give a fuck? Nobody's supposed to care that you're starving yourself or that you're unhappy? What, you don't want anyone to care about you? Don't want anyone to help you?!"

By now they were both yelling.

"No! I don't! I don't want to need anyone. I don't _want_ anyone to help me, because guess what, Wolverine. In a few years they'll all be dead and I'll be the one standing here alone. I'll be the last one. I'll _always_ be the last one. So no, I don't want anyone. And you know, you don't exactly seem too happy yourself. So maybe you should be having this conversation with yourself."

"I'm trying, Niki! I'm trying. Why do you think I asked you to stay with me last night? It was because I needed someone! Because... Because when I had you in my arms I felt better, okay? I'll admit it. But I sure as hell don't hear you admitting anything. You're the one that left this morning, not me!"

Shit, he once again couldn't shut up. Fuck it, it's out there now.

She grew quiet with that. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. Her face was carefully blank for a second, then her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

His voice was softer when he spoke again. "When I... When I look at you I wanna hold you... And I don't know why, but... but I know you feel something too. You don't have to act like you don't feel anything, darlin."

He took the last step towards her and put his hand under her chin, pushing it up. She didn't look directly at him, instead she kept her eyes down.

"Niki," he said firmly.

She looked up at him. The emotions swirling in her eyes made his heart ache. He wanted to take it all away. He would take it for himself.

He softened his voice and expression. "When everyone else is gone... I'll still be here, darlin. Just like you."

He knew that sounded like some kind of a promise, but he kinda meant it as one. He would be here. He didn't age, he couldn't die. They were the same.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. Her eyes closed for a moment and her breaths were fast and uncontrolled. When he pulled back he walked past her, back through the doors he came through.

* * *

_Oh, the light is in disguise_  
_Breaking slowly_  
_Pull me close and I will push you away_

_I'm pushing away_  
_I keep pushing away, love_  
_I'm pushing away, love_  
_Don't leave me or let me go_

_Hold me and I will stay_

* * *

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

I barely kept myself together. I felt cold when he walked away. Colder then normal, anyway. I was shaking slightly and I had to bite back tears. I kept having to do that.

I felt like I _did_ need him, even if I said I didn't.

I needed to breathe. I could feel myself falling apart. I all but ran to the garage, jumped on my motorcycle and started speeding down the road. I didn't know where I was going. I just had to get out for a while.

I didn't know what to say after we fought. He was the first one in years to actually call me out on not being happy and bring light to the fact that I don't eat as often as I should. I don't know why he thinks he has that right. He doesn't know me... I keep saying that... But he is trying. He's trying to have a right, trying to earn it. And I'm pushing him away.

That's what I've always done. And then... then he said when everyone else was gone he'd still be here. And he would be, just not necesarily with me. But he seemed to want to be with me. And God, when he told me he wanted to hold me, I wanted more than anything to just let him, because he's also the first one I've ever wanted to hold me.

Everything in me was screaming to just let him... Just like everything in me is screaming to turn around and go back.

I don't know how to deal with this. I'm scared of this. It's not what I do. I've made too many mistakes, done too many things wrong. There was no way this was a good idea, yet I found myself turing around and heading back towards the mansion anyway.

I wasn't going to go to him. I was just going back. I won't run away this time, I'll face it.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I was eating dinner with Tony when she got back to the mansion. She stopped for a second and looked at me on the way by.

When she had left I almost went after her. I stopped myself but just barely. I knew she'd come back. I don't know how I knew, I just did.

Fighting with her was a strange feeling. Even while I was yelling at her I wanted to kiss her. No, I wanted to slam her against the wall and take her.

She had started the yelling, not me. It was strange because most of the fights I've been in have been physical, not verbal. And if it was verbal it never stayed that way for long. But then I've always been a hands on kind of man.

When I heard the door open and I smelt her coming, there was a weight lifted off my chest. She didn't say anything and neither did I. She looked at me a second, then went upstairs.

I stood up to follow her, but Tony stopped me.

"Hang on, man." he started. "I'd just give her a while."

I narrowed my eyes at him and he just shrugged.

"I heard you guys earlier." he said, simply. "She takes a while to cool down... She's never let anyone talk to her like that before. I'm surprised she didn't try to kick your ass."

I sat back down and stayed silent. I didn't know what to say anyway. Tony aparently did though.

"I mean even if you are one of the most intimidating guys I've ever seen, it wouldn't stop her from trying to kick your ass... So what did stop her?"

"I'm bigger, stronger... I would imagine that stopped her." I said.

I didn't know how else to answer. I knew that wasn't why she didn't try to kick my ass, but I couldn't tell him why she didn't, because honestly I didn't know why.

"So... Are you sleeping with her?" Tony asked bluntly.

I stood up and pulled a cigar out of my pocket. I liked this guy, but this was none of his god damn business.

"Ya know," I said. "That's really none of you're fucking business."

I turned around and went to go outside. Damn I was doing it again. I was pushing people away. Granted that was a damn rude question, but I mean I asked Niki basically the same one.

I shouldn't of snapped at him though. It was just who I was and I was trying to change that. I just wasn't doing a very good job.

I went for a ride and got back around 11:00. I forced myself to go to my room instead of hers. I'd leave her alone.

Luckily she knocked on my door about an hour later. I opened the door and she brushed past me and started pacing.

"Well, come in." I said sarcastically.

Her focus was on the floor and she moved her hands as she started talking.

"Ya' know, I think this is where I'm supposed to apologize or something, but I'm not really good at that. But I mean, I didn't mean to yell at you. At least not originally. Obvioulsy it turned into that and I didn't _stop_ that, but then you yelled back and I yelled some more and- and that was weird, cause I... I don't know. Nobody really ever yells back, so I didn't know what else to do but keep yelling and then- then I crossed a line I think. But so did you and-"

She said it all in a rush and she was babbling. And while it was kind of cute, this was going no where fast. I cut her off by grabbing her shoulders and stopping her in front of me.

"Breathe." I said.

She didn't though, instead she kept talking.

"I don't know how to do this. I don't even know what _this_ is. And what I said earlier was true. I don't want to need anyone..." her voice got quieter and she closed her eyes. "I don't, because... Because it'll all be gone sooner or later. And I hate being left in the after math I hate it."

"Look at me, darlin." I growled softly.

When she did, I lost my breath once again.

"Let me help you. At least let me try. I... I don't know what I can do, but... let me try."

"No, you don't understand! I can't."

I threw my hands up and fought the urge to pace. "Then help me, darlin! Help me understand."

This was quickly escalating and we were going to end up yelling again.

"Why?! Why do you want to understand? What's your game? Becasue I don't understand _that_. Why should I trust you? What makes you different then everyone else?"

I didn't know how to answer these questions. Not at all. Because I didn't fucking know the answer.

"I don't know why! I just..." I stopped, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

It took a lot of effort, but when I spoke again it was quieter. "I don't know why I want to understand... And I can't give you a reason to trust me unless you let me give you a reason. And I don't know what makes me different than everyone else... But I do know that I want you near me... I don't understand this anymore than you do, darlin."

Her breaths quicked and she shook her head. "I- I can't... I'm not... The _one time_ I trusted someone they destroyed that trust. I- I don't know if I..." her voice was small and shaky.

I took her hand and pulled her to me. She kept her eyes down, focusing on her hands which were now on my chest.

There was a pang in my chest and it made me want to kiss her. The feeling was crazy and I knew she felt it to, cause I felt a shiver run through her. I felt her heart beat against me and it felt like mine own was trying to race hers.

"I'm scared." she whispered.

I put my hand on her chin and pushed it up so she would look at me. She looked scared, but still managed to look strong at the same time.

"So am I, darlin. But that's what makes it interesting."

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, breathing in his scent. His warmth wrapped around me the second my hand was in his and immediately I lost all fight. Damn, I couldn't believe this was happening. I wasn't ready tonight. I wasn't ready to be weak or to let all my walls down.

I didn't think I was ready to trust him, but I did. I trusted him more than anyone I've trusted before. It was instinct and I couldn't seem to fight it. It made no sense.

I nodded and looked at him again. His eyes were soft and as much as I wanted to stay in his arms, I wasn't ready.

"I can't yet. I... I have to pull myself together first." I said.

_*********** Logan's POV ***********_

Then I'd wait, cause I sure as hell wasn't givin' up on this.

"You can try to change that." I whispered. "And when you're ready, I'll be here to help you."

Tears came to her eyes again and she leaned up, kissing my cheek.

"Night, big guy." she smiled at me.

It was a small smile, but a real one. She looked relieved.

I smiled back, mostly because when she did I couldn't help but smile too.

I let her go and whispered, "Night darlin."

**_********* Third Person *********_**

Logan woke up from a nightmare and Niki was awake until 4:30 but eventually they both found an unrestful sleep.

* * *

**\\\ Please follow, review and let me know how I'm doing.**


	6. Until You Bleed

Another long one. Hehe :) I was going to update yesterday, but some stuff happened and that didn't work out. _But_ I'm posting it now! Please review, follow and all that. Thank you all. \\\

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men/Wolverine etc...

* * *

Niki woke up pretty early. She went for a ride on Dodger, helped Sophie teach gym then they went to lunch. The cafeteria was full when they got there. She looked around and saw Logan and Tony. The table they were sitting at was full and Sophie wanted it to just be the two of them anyway.

Logan sniffed the air and smelled her. He turned and gave her a wink. She gave him a small smile and rolled her eyes, sitting down with Sophie. Sophie who had seen the exchange between the two.

"So you and the big bad Wolverine, huh?"

Niki looked at her, confused. "What?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. I saw that."

"What the wink? So what? Men wink at me all the time. They wink at you too."

"Yeah, but you never smile at them... In fact you never really smile much at all."

"Bullshit."  
Sophie chose to ignore that and continued her questioning. "What about the other night?"

Niki looked confused. "What about it?"

"When you guys came in and his arm was wrapped around your waist."

She opened her mouth, but didn't have a response for that one, so she shut it again.

Sophie looked satisfied with herself. "Exactly what I thought... So what's going on?"

Niki didn't want to talk about it. She didn't even know what to tell herself about it.

"I don't know... nothing really. We're just... talking. He was in a lab, you know that. Just like me."

"Well he seems a lot like you... Doesn't really say much. Keeps to himself. Seems like he could be kinda violent and he's definitely intimidating."

"You sayin' I'm all those things?"

"And more." Sophie said, matter of factly.

"I'm done talking about this. I've gotta go." Niki got up and started walking out.

Sophie looked at Niki's plate and sighed. "You didn't eat anything." she called after her.

"No shit, Sherlock." Niki called back, but kept walking.

Logan looked over and furrowed his eyebrows. Sophie looked annoyed and Niki was walking away. Even with his enhanced hearing, he couldn't hear what they were saying, they were to far away and there was to much other noise. That is until Sophie yelled that she hadn't eaten anything. He hadn't seen her eat anything since he made her eat two days ago.

After Niki was no longer in sight he turned back to his food, forcing himself to not go after her. Everyone around him was laughing at something, but he paid them no mind, instead his thoughts were all on Niki.

Later that day, Logan was helping Scott and Tony build a new playground for the kids, when Niki came up.

"Hey, Cyke? Tony?" she called.

All the men looked up at her in question. "The professor wants you. You guys got a mission."

"Sweet! That means Gambit and Beast can finish this." Tony said, dropping the hammer.

"See ya, Nik." Tony said, moving past her. "Bye, Wolvie."

"See ya'." Logan said, sitting on a bench and leaning back.

Scott waved at them and headed off.

Niki looked over at Logan, eying him up and down. He was shirtless and sweating, making his skin shine in the sun.

He grinned and winked at her. She again rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but grin.

He noticed she seemed happier during the day. She covered her pain well.

"So, how'd it go with Chuck the other day?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Not too bad, I suppose. He wants Jean to run some tests on me."

"Mmm, that'll be fun." she said, sarcastically.

He made a noncommental grunting noise and she moved over to him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up.

"Come on, I'll get you something to drink. You look a little hot." she said, seductively.

"Only a little?" he asked, leaning forward and whispering in her ear.

She smirked and turned her head towards him, but kept walking.

When they got inside she handed him a glass of sweet ice tea, that he downed in seconds.

There was music playing from somewhere. He watched her as she sang quietly to the music.

"You seem happy during the day." He didn't plan on saying that. At least not out loud and he got nervous about how she would react, but she simply turned her head and gave him a small smile.

"Some days are better than others." She said sadly.

* * *

_Walking between the raindrops_  
_Riding the aftershock beside you_

_Hold on and take a breath_  
_I'll be here every step_  
_Walking between the raindrops with you_

* * *

They heard thunder in the distance and it was getting cloudy outside. She turned and smiled out the window. "It's gonna rain."

She sounded happy about it and her eyes lit up. It made him smile softly at her. This woman confused him beyond belief, but he was enchanted by her. Why, he didn't know.

The rain happened suddenly. There was a crash of thunder and then it started pouring.

_*********** Logan's POV ***********_

She turned to me and gave me an excited smile. "C'mere." she said, sounding giddy and holding out her hand.

I almost laughed. Her excitement was contagious.

"Where we goin'?" I asked.

"Outside." she said, leading me to the door.

"It's raining."

"Is that what's falling from the sky?" she said, smiling.

When we got to the door she pulled me into the rain. She lifted her hands in the air and spun around.

"You're crazy!" I yelled over the rain, but even as I did, I was laughing. We were already drenched.

"I thought you already knew that." she yelled back, still smiling. She twirled herself around, lifting her hands to the sky. Her hair was down and flying through the air. She was bare foot, wearing cut off jeans and flowy white tank top, that was now see through and a black bra. I lost my breath as I was once again struck by her.

She stayed like that a moment then looked at me and reached out her hand. "C'mon. Ya scared of havin' a little fun?"

I laughed and ran the short distance to her. I grabbed her around the waist, spinning her. She laughed a real laugh, not a fake or a forced one. And it wasn't a little chuckle, it was a full on belly laugh and it made something in me feel at ease.

I let go of her waist, then grabbed her hand twirling her away from me and then back again, then dunked her slowly. I pulled her back up and lifted her in the air and slowly brought her back down keeping her off the ground so I was holding her against me. She brushed a few stray hairs away from my face and my heart went haywire.

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

He wore a soft smile and he laughed softly. I realized hadn't seen him this relaxed, but I knew was the same.

I leaned foward, but stopped just before I reached her lips and sighed. My heart felt like it was goind to burst through my chest and we were both breathing hard.

"I don't know what to think about you. You confuse the hell outta me." He whispered. "But I really wanna kiss you."

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

"It's just the rain," she said. "It has that effect."

I opened my mouth with a response but Beast opened the door to the mansion. "Are you two crazy?!" he shouted over the rain. "It's pouring out here! Get inside!"

He gave us a strange look and shut the door.

I moved my hand to her hair. "I guess he's right."

She lifted her head to the sky and closed her eyes. She was still flush against me and her hands were on my chest. She seemed calm... Peaceful. I didn't understand it, but I didn't care. I kissed her forehead and she opened her eyes, grinning at me. I rested my head on hers and we stayed there a moment longer before making a move to go inside.

I entwined my fingers with hers and headed towards the door.

**_********* Third Person *********_**

Once they were inside he let go of her hand and shook his hair, acting like a dog. She laughed at him and a shiver ran through her. The cold air in the mansion and her soaked clothes weren't a good mix.

His eyes scanned over her body, then flashed yellow. He pushed her against the wall, pressing into her with his body. "God, you're driving me crazy." His voice was a sexy growl that made her want to melt into him.

They both heard and smelled someone coming, but neither made a move away from each other.

Storm and Jubilee walked in, grinning at the two.

"Oh, sorry. Are we interrupting something?" Jubilee asked, innocently.

Logan stepped slowly away from Niki, with a frustrated sigh.

"I'll take that as a yes." Jubilee laughed.

Storm looked at Niki, trying not to smile. "Well we hate to interrupt, but the professor was looking for you."

Niki looked down at herself, then at Logan and tried not to laugh. They were both still soaked from the rain.

"Uh, tell him I'll be there in a few minutes. I'm gonna go change into something dry."

"I'll tell him." Storm walked away, but Jubilee stayed there, watching them with a grin.

Niki looked at her, but it was obvious Jubilee had no intentions of leaving. She looked at Logan.

"...Okay, um... I'll see ya later, big guy." she grinned at him, and walked away.

He grinned back, his eyes still slightly yellow. "See ya, darlin."

When she was gone he shut his eyes tight. When he opened them, they were completely brown again. Jubilee was still there, looking at him.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just... You guys are cute." she said, grinning.

"Listen kid, I ain't cute."

Her grin didn't falter. "If you say so."

His brows furrowed together and he looked at her strangely. "I need a drink." and with that he was gone.

Niki walked in Xavier's office.

"Ah, there you are Nikita." he said, coming out from behind his desk.

"Professor."

"I was wondering when you planned on leaving us. Last I heard you were to leave today."

"Yeah, I was thinking maybe I'd stick around a while longer. Maybe teach some more classes. Help out some."

"As happy as we are to have you here, may I ask what has inspired this extended stay?"

She sat down and sighed. Xavier waited patiently for an answer. Finally she shrugged and shook her head. "No where else to be right now."

It was a lame reason but Xavier didn't question it.

Xavier could tell it was something, but she was obviously not willing to share it. "Well you are welcome to stay as long as you'd like, Nikita. That is all."

"Thanks, professor."

* * *

Tony and Scott had gotten back late, had a few drinks with Logan, then they all went upstairs to their rooms.

Niki once again hadn't been at dinner. She went upstairs and showered, hoping the sound of the rain would help her fall asleep better tonight.

Sure enough it did. She lied there listening to the the soft thunder and the rain, falling asleep within less than an hour.

Logan was still awake, listening to the rain. He sat up and lit a cigar, taking a long draw. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Once he finished his cigar he plopped back down on his bed. Eventually he fell asleep only to woken up by an ear piercing scream. He shot straight up, claws shooting out. When he realized there was no danger in his room, he walked out to the hallway. Tony was walking towards Niki's door with a tired expression.

"What the hell was that?!" Logan asked. His claws were still out and he was on high alert.

"It's Niki. She has nightmares."

Logan looked confused. "What are you doing?"

"Waking her up."

"Wait!" Logan stopped him just before he opened her door. "I mean... I'll do it."

Tony didn't look to sure about that idea. "I don't know if tha-"

"Trust me... Nightmares aren't exactly a foreign matter to me."

Tony looked at him a moment longer. He didn't know if he should let him. "I gotta warn you man-"

"You don't have to. I'll be careful."

Tony nodded and backed away, returning to his room.

* * *

_You've been waiting a long time_  
_To fall down on your knees_  
_Cut your hands_  
_Cut yourself until you bleed_  
_But fall asleep next to me_

* * *

_*********** Logan's POV ***********_

I retracted my claws and walked in her room. My heart was beating fast and I wasn't entirely sure what my plan of action was.

"Niki?" I whispered.

She was tangled in her sheets, sweating and curled into herself.

I made my way to the bed and sat down on the side of it. "Nik? Come on, darlin. Wake up."

I knew she would attack, so I was prepared for it the second she woke up.

I reached out to touch her shoulder and she shot up with a high pitched growl, claws shooting out. She moved fast, but I was faster and stronger, anticipating her movements. I caught her wrists and managed to just keep her claws from piercing my chest. Her breaths were fast and her eyes were purple.

"You're okay, darlin. It's me... You're okay." I kept my voice as steady as I could.

She seemed to relax slightly at my voice, but looked confused and didn't meet my eyes.

I let go of her wrists and put one of my hands in her hair. "Look at me, darlin."

Her eyes met mine and I lost my breath, forgetting what I was going to say. Damn, that keeps happening. Her eyes were a vibrant purple and they were beautiful. Troubled and dark yes, but beautiful. It made Wolverine want to break to the surface and take her. I was fightin' the urge myself.

I struggled with myself for a minute, then finally found my words again. "It was just a nightmare. It's over."

"It's not." she shook her head. "... they come back all the time."

"They're not here, darlin. No one's gonna hurt you."

"No, you don't understand! They won't stop!" she shook her head desperate for me to understand. She was shaking now, but she had retracted her claws and was now gripping my arms tightly, as if she was trying to ground herself.

I wish I could ground her, make it okay, but I don't know if I can. Her eyes had tears in them and it made my heart ache. I'm still shocked at how this woman can effect me.

"Niki, listen to me." I said, firmly.

She looked at me confused and I continued. "You're okay... You're safe now. No one here is gonna hurt you."

"You don't know that." she looked panicked and it made me worry.

"I do." I said, calmly. "And look around, darlin. Right now, it's just you and me in this room... and I'm not gonna hurt you."

She still looked scared and her eyes scanned around the room like she was looking for them, whoever 'they' might be.

This wasn't working. She backed away from me, closed her eyes tight and her claws shot out. Well that wasn't a good sign.

"I need you to leave." she said.

"Niki, listen to me." I said again, trying to keep her attention.

"No," she said, opening her eyes. "You need to leave." she said, firmly.

"Why?" I asked, having no intention of leaving.

"Please," she said, her voice growing small. "Please leave. I don't want to do this with you here-" she cut off quickly and her eyes grew big.

I don't think she realized what she had said until after she said it. Now she knew I wouldn't let her get by without an explanation. I had a bad feeling I knew what she was talking about. She wanted to hurt herself. She wanted to feel the pain, to have it ground her, bring her back to reality. But I didn't want her to.

"Do what?" I asked, sadly.

"Don't make me do this in front of you, big guy."

"Don't do this to yourself, darlin. It won't solve anything."

She was shaking. I knew she was going to, whether I was here or not.

"I have to." she said with tears in her eyes. "I have to center myself."

I thought I was gonna have a heart attack as she sunk her claws into her arm and ran ran them down to her wrists. I almost ran over to her to stop her, but I couldn't move. It wouldn't have done any good. She would've done it anyway. Now or later.

She started to sink down and I did run over. I caught her and lowered her slowly to the ground, pulling her onto my lap and leaning against the bed.

It of course healed fast, but it was to slow for my liking. I was shaking from seeing it. It scared the hell outta me. I watched the blood run down her arm and the anxiety in my chest was killing me.

I tried to even out my breaths and focus on the feeling of her in my arms. She was okay. She healed, she's breathing. And she's now clinging onto me tightly.

I pulled her as close to me as I could and whispered in her ear. "No one's here. It's just you and me, darlin. No one's gonna hurt you, alright... I won't let 'em."

And I won't. They'd have to get through me first... And Wolverine. Ha. I'd like to see that.

She looked at me, searching my face. She looked like she was trying decide if she could believe me.

"Promise?" she whispered, shakily.

My heart stopped momentarily, before I answered with a certainty I hadn't ever felt before. "I promise."

She closed her eyes and held onto me even tighter. I kissed the top of her head. "You're okay, darlin. Calm down."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her shaking slowly stopped as I rocked her slowly. I have no idea how long we stayed like that, but it was a while.

_*********** Third Person ***********_

"I'm sorry." she whispered and looked up at him. Her eyes were back to dark brown. "I lost control."

"Ahh, that's alright."

"No, it isn't. I- I shouldn't have done that with you in here. You didn't have to see that-"

"Hey," he said, softly cutting her off. "You know they're gone, right?"

"I do... but she doesn't." She said, referring to Nikita.

He swallowed, not knowing if he should ask the question he was about to. "What'd they do to you?" he whispered.

She shook her head. "Nothing, I jus-"

"Don't." he said, cutting her off. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Lie to me."

She sighed and whispered. "You're not gonna let me get away with anything are ya'?"

He pretended to think about it for a minute then shook his head. "No... I just watched you sink your claws into your own arm. I'm not lettin' that go."

She looked sad. "You really wanna know?"

"I really do." he whispered.

"I... Not tonight. Tonight I just want to go to sleep... I'm tired." and she sounded like it. Her voice sounded defeated and tired. He wasn't about to push her about it. Not tonight.

He sighed, and nodded. "Want me to stay?" his voice was rough, yet gentle at the same time. It also sounded like he had already made the decision for her.

He didn't plan on leaving, even if she wanted him to. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, he knew she was scared. He wasn't going to leave her alone like that. Wolverine wouldn't let him leave her alone like that.

"I'm fine. I just need to fall back aslee-"

"Let me rephrase." He said cutting her off. "I'm staying."

"No," she started. "Really I'm fine. I don't need-"

"Well I do. So humor me."

He grabbed a t-shirt on the ground and gently wiped the blood off her arm. She watched him and tears formed in her eyes at his soft touch. She wasn't used to this.

He picked her up and got in the bed. He was on his back and his arm was around her. She curled into him and put her head on his chest, thankful he hadn't really given her a choice on whether he stayed or not.

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

I didn't understand. I didn't understand why he was doing this or why I couldn't seem to refuse or stop him. I just can't seem to. But now that I'm here in his arms, I can't see why I would want to be anywhere else. It's not like I can make him leave. I don't want him to leave.

But it does scare me. The last time I trusted a man I ended up in a mutant lab. Although right now I can't seem to make myself care. I just don't want him to let me go... Because like always, I can feel myself falling... But this time it feels like he's catching me.

He ran his hand through my hair and sighed. "Promise we'll talk about it?" he asked.

I thought about it for a second then responded. "Only if you promise you won't let me go... Just for tonight?" my voice shook.

It wasn't an easy thing for me to ask for, but I was over it right now. And when he held me, I felt sheltered and safe. And that was something I hadn't felt in a very long time.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I turned on my side so I was facing her. Our faces were inches from each other. The Wolverine was fighting me again, especially at her request. Of course I wouldn't fucking let her go and nothing could make me. I wasn't leaving this room even if she wanted me to. I didn't want to let her go, I wanted to keep her safe in my arms.

"I promise I won't let you go."

**_********* Third Person *********_**

And there was more packed behind that statement then either of them realized.

"Then I promise we'll talk about it."

He gave her a small smile and she returned it. Then she turned her back towards him and he put an arm around her waist and pulled her so she was against him. He traced slow circles on her hip with his fingertips, and her breathing slowed. Minutes passed and he thought she was alseep when he heard her whisper.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Course, darlin."

"What's your name? Your real name?"

At first he didn't answer and she began to think he wasn't going to, when he finally spoke.

"Logan." his voice was quiet but strong.

"Logan." she repeated.

He almost shivered when she said it. It had been so long since he'd heard his own name from someone else's mouth.

"It fits you." she said.

They grew quiet for a few minutes, then Logan's voice broke the silence. "Niki?"

"Hmm?" she replied sleepily.

"Can you do somethin' for me?... When it's just us... will you call me Logan."

She opened her eyes, looking into the dark and smiled. "Yeah," she whispered. "I will."

He smiled and nuzzled her hair taking a deep breath.

"Logan?" her voice was quiet and unsure.

"Yeah, darlin?"

There were so many things she wanted to say, but didn't know how. In all actuality she was scared and she didn't even know what she was scared of. She knew it was just a nightmare, but the memories that brought them felt more real to her now then when it was actually happening.

She fought back tears and pulled his arm up to her chest, holding it to her tight. He could tell whatever she was going to say, she had changed her mind and wasn't going to say it. He squeezed her hand gently and kissed the back of her head, burying his face in her hair.

"It's alright, baby. Don't worry about it... not tonight."

She took one last shaky breath and relaxed into him. "Night, Logan."

"Night, darlin."

She fell asleep quickly. He watched her for a while, running his hands through her hair and eventually her breaths led him to his own sleep.


	7. You Save Me

Whoo. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been really busy. I _have_ been writing though and I'll post another chapter tomorrow night. I'm excited about the next chapter. I think it turned out really well, but we'll see what you guys think.

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men/Wolverine/blah blah blah... we all know that.

* * *

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I don't know what woke me up, but I stirred and froze, feeling someone against me. Someone I was wrapped around. My eyes opened and I smiled when I saw Niki still sound asleep. She was facing me, our legs were tangled together and her hand was in mine. Her hair was thrown across her face, the pillows, and even me. I let out a breathless chuckle and brushed the hair out of her face. I kept touching her hair, running my hands through it, but I couldn't help it. I lied there quietly watching her. She looked peaceful now. She was beautiful.

**_********* Third Person *********_**

She moved closer to him in her sleep, rubbing up against a part of him that was a lot more awake then he was. He closed his eyes and tried to hold back a moan, without much luck. She let out a sleepy sigh as she started to wake up, and her eyes slowly opened.

"Mornin, darlin." his voice was husky from sleep and arousal.

She sighed and snuggled into him, closing her eyes again. "What time is it?" she mumbled into his chest.

He lifted his head up to look at the clock and his eye brows rose in surprise. "10:33."

Her brows furrowed and she opened her eyes. "Wow."

"Yep." He laid his head back down and let out a content sigh.

He shifted slightly and she felt something hard push against her stomach.

Her eyebrows went up and she smirked. "Well, good morning to you too." she said, laughing at him.

He threw his head back and laughed. "Sorry," he said, obviously not sorry. "I can't help it. You should be flattered." he said, jokingly.

She smiled and moved so her head was on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and nuzzled her hair.

They had both grown quiet. She traced patterns on his chest and leaned forward to kiss it.

"Thank you." she whispered.

"Nothin to thank me for, darlin."

She looked up at him, hair falling in her face. "Logan, you... you pulled me back to reality. You stayed with me all night."

He shrugged and brushed her hair behind her ear. "You didn't ask me to. In fact I didn't give a choice... And you stayed with me when I asked."

She looked at him strangely. "Why did you?"

"Why did I what?"

"Ask me to stay with you."

He took a deep breath and shrugged. "...I don't know. I-I like having you near me."

She looked at him, confused.

He gave her a small smile. "Holding you... It keeps my nightmares away."

She searched his eyes for traces of a lie, but found none. Her eyes found their way to his mouth, then back to his eyes. His hand came up to the back of her neck in a possessive hold and he slowly leaned towards her. Their lips met and she tangled her hands in his hair.

Her heart skipped several beats and for a moment he thought his quit completely. Their tongues battled for dominance and the kiss deepened. It was a long, deep kiss that didn't appear like it was going to stop. Without breaking the kiss, Logan turned them so she was underneath him. His hands ran up her sides and then back down, causing her to gasp into his mouth. She wrapped her legs around him and ran her finger nails over his chest, earning a shiver and a low growl from him as she grazed his nipples.

They both jumped as someone knocked on the door.

She gasped and swore quietly. "Who is it?" she asked, breathlessly.

Logan was still on top her, breathing hard.

"It's me. Jubes."

"Shit." she whispered, looking at Logan. "Hide." she whispered, pushing him off her.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. "You're serious?" he whispered back, not so quietly.

"Dead. Now hurry!"

"Niki?!" Jubilee shouted through the door.

"Uh, one second!" she threw a pair of shorts on and stood up.

Logan looked amused and annoyed at the same time. "Where exactly do you suggest I hide?"

"Just- I don't know, get under the bed." she said, making her way to the door.

He rolled his eyes and got on the floor. "Fuckin kid. I'm too fuckin big for this shit. Fuckin climbin' under beds with a fuckin hard-on. Fuck me." he mumbled as he scooted under the bed.

She tried not to grin at his show and opened the door. "Hey, Jubes."

Jubilee looked in the room and pushed her way by Niki, looking around. "What took you so long? What was all that noise?"

"I uh... I wasn't awake yet and I tripped over a shoe."

Jubilee still looked around the room.

"So what's up?" Niki asked.

Jubilee looked at her and plopped herself down on the bed. Niki covered her mouth to hide her smile as the bed sunk down a little under her wait and she heard Logan make a small grunting noise.

"Do you think I should have sex with Aaron." she said it bluntly, getting straight to the point.

Niki eyes got wide. "What?! Oh no, this isn't a question for me. Go talk to Sophie or Storm or someone."

"But I want to know what you think."

Niki gave her a funny look. "Why?"

"I don't know, you know a lot. And you're pretty laid back about this stuff."

"Jubes, you know I can't tell you what to do..." she stopped a minute trying to figure out how she should approach this.

"Yeah but... He wants to and-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Niki said, cutting her off. "Let me just say this before you say anything else. Just because he wants you to, doesn't mean you have to. It doesn't even mean you should... and that's all I'm saying. Any other questions should be directed towards Storm or Jean or someone that's not me..."

Jubilee nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

She sat quietly for a second then grinned at Niki. "So.. how 'bout you and Wolverine?"

Niki rolled her eyes. "Oh God, you too?"

"He's kinda cute, huh?"

"That's one way to put it." she said, grabbing her arm and pulling her up. "I think it's time for you to go."

"What? I saw you two together! It was cute."

Niki led her out the door. "Tell Storm I'll be down in about half an hour to help her get the classes ready for tomorrow."

"I don't hear you denying it."

"Good-bye, Jubilee." she said, shutting the door.

Once the door was shut Logan crawled out from under the bed and stood up, looking at her with a raised eyebrow, but looked like he was trying not to laugh.

"I ain't cute." he said, pointing at her.

She tried not to laugh and cocked her head. "I think you're adorable."

He tried not to smile and let out a growl, charging towards her. She squeeled and giggled as he caught her around the waist and pinned her against the wall. His dark eyes met hers and he grinded into her once. "Still think I'm adorable?"

She shook her head. "Not exactly the word I was searching for."

He smirked and grinded into her again. "Didn't think so."

"I hate to do this, but you know we have to go."

He groaned and rested his head on hers. "Why?"

"You know why. You have an appointment with Jean and I have to help Storm."

He pushed himself off the wall and growled. She felt his frustration, but they did have things to do. And honestly she was surprised she hadn't freaked out yet.

"You can't skip out on your appointment and if I'm sticking around, I gotta help out." she said.

"Sticking around?" he asked, confused.

"Uh, yeah. I was gonna leave yesterday."

"What?" he asked, looking worried.

She shrugged. "Yeah, but I figured I'd wait a little longer."

"So you're not leaving?" he asked, hopefully.

"No, not yet."

"So I'll see ya' later then?" he grinned.

She grinned back and nodded. "Yeah, I'll see ya' later."

He kissed her again and started walking out of the room, but stopped just before he reached the door and turned around. "Promise me you'll eat something."

Damn, he had her pegged. But she had never been ordered to eat and it took her by surprise, especially since nobody had ever cared if she ate before. Plus she didn't want to eat anything.

"Logan I-"

He cut her off and gave her puppy dog eyes. "Promise me, darlin."

She sighed. "No, I'm not gonna promi-"

"Please?"

"Logan... I can't."

He sighed and walked back over to her, putting a hand on the back of her neck and resting his head on hers.

"Darlin, starving yourself doesn't help anything. Please eat somethin', baby. Just somethin' little?" he asked giving her his best sad puppy look.

The eyes were to much, she couldn't say no.

"Okay, fine. Something little." she said, defeated.

He kissed her. "Thank you."

He left and shut the door.

She took a shower, then went downstairs to the kitchen. She had a few chips and half a turkey sandwich since she'd promised Logan she would eat, then went to help Storm.

Logan had gone to the kitchen first, eating two sandwiches and downing a beer along with three cookies, then took a shower before going down to the lab. He got to the lab about fifteen minutes late because he kept procrastinating.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I walked in the lab and almost took a step back when the smell hit me. The flashbacks hit me like a brick wall.

"There you are." Jean said, irritated. "You're late."

"Am I?" I asked sarcastically, looking at my empty wrist for a a watch I knew I didn't have. "Fancy that."

"Whatever. Just sit down on that table and take off your shirt."

I sat down and slid out of my shirt, trying to keep calm. "So what are we doing here?"

"First I'm going to take your blood pressure and what not, then I'm going to draw some blood and do some x-rays."

The longer I sat there, the more agitated I got. I'd gotten nervous by the time she'd taken my blood pressure and checked my temperature. I tried my best to focus, to stay in reality, but the flashbacks of what I could remember were starting to close in on me and I couldn't. I felt Wolverine start to take over and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it. It was too late.

**_********* Third Person *********_**

His eyes turned slightly yellow, but Jean didn't seem to notice. When she checked his hearing more flashbacks hit him.

It was becoming to much. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, balling his hands into fists, claws ready to shoot out. He was so focused on keeping calm he didn't even think to warm Jean and she didn't so much as give him a strange look. He couldn't think straight and his eyes

were growing more yellow by the second as Wolverine made his way to the surface.

The second Jean put the needle in his arm to draw blood, he snapped. His claws shot out with a 'SNIKT' and he grabbed Jean by the throat with a snarl. He was completely feral. So far gone that he was beyond speaking and thinking within reason. The only thing that kept him from killing her was a noise from one the machines. His head snapped towards the noise and he threw Jean across the room. She hit the wall coughing and watched as he destroyed the copier in the room. His attention then turned to the ultra sound machine.

Jean moved as quietly as she could out of the room. Luckily Wolverine was too busy with other things to notice her leave. When she was out she locked the door from the outside and ran to find help.

Niki was going over the schedule for tomorrow when she heard Jean screaming for help. Niki stood and ran out of the room looking for her and saw Jean running towards her.

She grabbed Jean as she went to run past her. "What the hell is going on?!"

Storm had followed her and looked concerned.

Jean tried to catch her breath. "It was- It's Wolverine, he- he went crazy- he-"

Xavier came up behind them. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Wolverine." Niki whispered. "You shouldn't have sent him to the lab." she said to Xavier.

"Nikita, I assure you I meant no harm. What happened?"

Jean cut in. "I was just doing the normal check up and then I went to take a blood sample and his claws shot out and he was choking me! He almost killed me! His eyes were this bright yellow and he was growling, it was like he was an animal."

"That's because he was." Niki said, heading the direction of the lab.

By this time Gambit, Tony, Lily, Scott and Sophie and shown up, seeing what the commotion was about.

"Where are you going?" Sophie asked.

"To the lab." She said, firmly.

Scott grabbed her arm but she twisted out of his grip and shot him a glare.

He let her go, but they all followed. When they got to the lab, they heard a crash and a growl, so Sophie stopped her. "Niki, I don't think you should go in there."

"Then who will?" she snapped, annoyed at them trying to stop her.

"Just let him cool down." Tony said.

"Cool down?" she said, dangerously. "_Cool down_?! Tony I've been through this. It isn't something you just 'cool down' from. He's panicked. He's locked in a god damn lab! He's confused and trapped and as long he stays that way he's not going to just _cool down_!"

Tony took a step back at her tone. She was going into protective mode and it was obvious.

"Jean give me the key."

"You're not really going in there?" Scott asked.

"If you people will leave me alone! Yes, I am."

Jean reluctantly handed her the key, but when she turned around Tony and Scott were blocking the door.

"Move." she snapped.

Neither made a move, they just stood there with a stern look.

"If you don't move, I'll move you. And I won't be gentle."

"We're not moving." Tony said.

Her claws shot out and she gave them a look that could kill.

"Move aside, gentlemen." Xavier said, quietly.

"But, professor-" Scott protested.

"She can handle herself." He turned to Niki. "You will be careful. And we will wait here to make sure you are okay."

"Don't interfere, professor. Let me do this... He won't hurt me."

"We will not interfere."

Sophie and Lily looked scared for her and Tony and Scott reluctantly moved away from the door, glaring at Niki as they did so.

* * *

_'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun  
'Cause when I'm a firecracker comin' undone  
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run, all wild-eyed and crazy  
No matter where my reckless soul takes me  
Baby you save me_

_When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves  
Up on a highwire that's ready to break  
When I've had just about all I can take  
Baby you,  
Baby you save me_

* * *

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

Ignoring their glares, I unlocked the door and slowly walked in. He was on the floor, sweating and breathing like he just ran across a desert.

He didn't have his shirt on and he was shaking. His claws were out, his head was down, and he had one knee pulled up to his chest, while the other was on the floor. His veins were more prominent then usual and all his muscles were tense and bulging.

"Hey, big guy." I called quietly. When I got no response, I slowly walked closer. "Logan?"

His head snapped up and I was met with yellow eyes. My breath caught and as quick as lightening he charged, pinning me against the wall.

His hand wrapped around my neck, but he didn't squeeze. I gasped as I hit the wall, but met his eyes. He looked unsure and scared.

"It's okay. It's just me. I'm not gonna hurt ya' big guy."

He sniffed the air, smelling me and relaxed a little.

He let out a small whine in greeting.

"You okay?" my voice was a little unsteady. I moved my hand up to his cheek. His eyes followed my every move.

"Logan?"

He shook his head and growled. I could tell he was gone, but not completely. I knew he could talk to me, even if just barely.

"Come on, big guy. Use your words."

"I- I saw them they were..." his voice was a low growl. "I was in a tank and- and water- the drills, the smell... There were needles." he shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Hey, stay with me Logan." I whispered.

His eyes snapped open and burned into mine. "I'm not Logan."

And it was true, he wasn't Logan right now. He was Wolverine. I knew what it was like when the animal took over. Logan was still in there, he just needed the right moment to take control again.

I tried to breathe at a normal pace, but it wasn't working to well.

"But he's in there. Just like you." I slowly moved my hand up, making sure he saw, and brushed a lock of his hair off his forehead. He closed his eyes and growled softly.

"Look at me, big guy."

He opened his eyes and I saw the slightest hint of brown. "There ya' go... You're safe. I promise." I kept my voice soft and calming, and it seemed to have the desired effect as I saw some of the tension leave his body and he let go of my throat.

He sniffed me again, suddenly looking worried. His eyes ran over my body like he was looking for something. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" he asked, suddenly concerned about my safety.

"I'm okay, there's nobody here. Nobody hurt me."

He looked me over making sure and moved his hands over my body. I understood what he was doing and kept still and patient. Once he was satisfied I wasn't hurt, he looked at me.

"You're not scared of me." he noted, sounding confused.

I shook my head and almost smiled. We'd already been through this. "No. I'm not scared of you."

And I wasn't. Sure my heart was beating like a nine pound hammer and I couldn't quite seem to calm my breathing, but I wasn't the least bit scared of him. Maybe scared of what he might do to himself or others, but no fear that he would hurt me.

He leaned even closer, tangling a hand in my hair and pushing my body into the wall with his. I let him do it without any resistance. I wanted him to believe that I wasn't afraid of him. He moved inches from my face. My breath hitched and I felt a pang in my chest as my heartbeat sped up even more.

"Why?" he asked.

"You promised you wouldn't let anybody hurt me. You remember that?"

His eyes narrowed and he slowly nodded. "I don't wanna hurt you." he said.

"And you won't... That's why I'm not scared."

He looked at me with desire, need, and something I couldn't quite place. His head moved to my hair and he took a deep breath. "Logan..." I breathed.

"Your smell is calming." he growled softly in her ear. If it was said by anyone else I would've rolled my eyes and made fun of them, but when Logan said it, my eyes closed and I lost my breath as he nibbled my ear.

"I want you." he growled. I felt him move his head back to look at me, but my eyes were still closed. "Open your eyes."

It was said firmly. He left no room for arguing. It was a command, that was obvious. Usually I would fight it, but I did as I was told. When I did, I groaned, as he grinded into me.

"I need you." he growled.

Nikita was all for it and raising hell, but I kept control. "Logan-" I sounded as inconfident as I felt.

"No."

"Wolverine... this isn't how..." I trailed off as he licked my neck.

"I know you want me." he growled, meeting my eyes again. "I can smell it."

I did, I really did, but this almost felt like taking advantage him. He was vulnerable and shaken up. As much as I wanted to let him, I also knew he needed for it to be Logan that did it, not Wolverine. Plus everybody was waiting on the other side of that door.

I smelt his arousal, but I also smelt fear and danger, it was rolling off of him in waves. It was like he wasn't really there, he wasn't focusing, even as he ran his hands up my side. He couldn't stay in this state for much longer or he would become completely out of control and if he got outside this room it could be bad.

"Logan," I said, more confidently and taking his face in my hands. "Look at me." I had no idea where I was finding this will power, but it sure was coming in handy. "Logan focus." for some reason I thought if I kept saying his name he would take back control.

"On what?" he growled. "On the tank? The pain? The goddamn knives? The chain- Jesus, it's like I can fell them cutting-" he stopped and took a shaky breath. By now his eyes were closed. He was shaking and his voice was getting louder.

"No, not on any of that... on me." I whispered.

He looked at me confused. Once I was sure I had his attention, I continued. "You're okay, baby... You're safe."

His closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I promise. Please, Wolverine I- I need him back." my voice cracked and he opened his eyes, looking worried at the sound of my voice.  
"You don't want me... you just want him." he sounded hurt.

"No, I want both of you," I said, putting my hand on his face. "But now's not the time... right now I need Logan. But I need you to know you're okay. I won't lie to you, big guy."

His eyes turned slightly brown.

"That's it... Do you trust me, Wolverine?"

He searched my face a minute, then finally nodded. I felt satisfied. I had gained Wolverine's trust and that put me at ease. I put a hand on his chest and ran the other through his hair. His eyes went completely brown and a violent shudder hit him.

"Niki?" he said breathed. Logan was in control again.

I let out a breath and gave a small smile. "Hey, big guy." I said cupping his cheek.

"Did I- did I hurt you?" he asked, worried.

I shook my head. "Didn't even come close."

He looked me over and sniffed the air, like he wasn't sure he hadn't actually hurt me. I felt another shudder run through him and he took a step back, running a hand through his hair.

"Shit... I'm falling apart." his voice cracked and he knelt down on the floor, putting his head in his hands.

I moved so I was behind him. I put my arms around his middle and kissed his shoulder. If he was going to help me, I was going to help him.

**_********* Third Person *********_**

"So we'll pick up the pieces." She whispered. Another shudder ran through him. "Sometimes people need fixing..." He felt her give a small shrug.

He let out a shaky breath and took his head out of his hands.

"I think I'm past fixin', darlin." he whispered.

"If you're past fixing, then what hope is there for me?" she asked softly.

He turned his head towards her. "You're stronger than I am."

"You know that's not true." she argued. "Every night I go back to that place in my head. I loose control... I can't even sleep through the night."

"I can help you." he said, desperately.

"So let me help you." she said.

He turned and pulled her gently in his lap. "Why do you wanna help me?"

"Same reason you wanna help me. Because, you're not a bad person. Because I know what it's like to not have control, and I know you're hurt, and confused and- and maybe..." she was breathing a little harder, but she lowered her voice to almost a whisper. "Maybe I'm broken too." her voice cracked and a single tear find it's way down her cheek. He was shocked at the pain it caused in his chest to see it.

"Logan, I don't know how to do this, because I've never done it before. But you make me feel... safe... I don't- I don't understand that, but maybe it's better that way."

He reached up and brushed the tear away. He ended up leaning forward, claiming her lips. She wasn't surprised by the kiss itself, more the intensity of it. It was passionate, slow, deep and the intimacy of it had them both at a loss of breath. They were both use to nothing more than casual sex and then leaving when it was done with. These were uncharted waters. She didn't know what to feel, so instead of thinking about it she melted into it.

When he pulled back, he rested his head against hers and gripped her waist. Neither knew what to say, but words didn't appear to be needed. They sat there on the floor for a few minutes before he lifted his head and looked at her.

"Are they all out there?" he asked.

She sighed and nodded. "Yeah."

"Is she okay? Jean?"

"She'll be fine. Maybe a few bruises, but nothing serious."

"God, they should kick me out."

"It's not your fault, the professor shouldn't have sent you in here."

"Well, he didn't know I was gonna flip my shit."

"But he knows you were in a lab, he knows what I di... he should've known better."

Logan searched her face with a soft expression. He knew she was going to say something about what she did, but changed her mind.

"What did you do?" he asked, curiously.

She shook her head. "I... I lost it. Just about like you did. Except Jean walked away with a little more than a bruise on the neck."

They heard shuffling outside the door and looked that way.

He looked back at her and sighed. "I guess we should go out there, huh."

"Yeah, probably."

"Twenty bucks says Gambit runs when I walk out." he joked.

She laughed lightly and got off his lap, offering him a hand up. "Want me to tell them to leave?"

"Nah... Gotta face 'em sometime."

"You sure?" she asked, knowing he wasn't.

"No, but I might as well get it over with."

He wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed before letting go. He was drawing strength from her and it made her feel needed, even wanted and she was glad he could take that strength.

She walked in front and opened the door. She was met by anxious eyes. As Logan walked up behind her those eyes turned surprised. Jean moved to stand behind Scott and Tony and sure enough Gambit took a few steps back. At that Logan raised an eyebrow and tried not to smirk.

They were all surprised she was able to calm him, especially so quickly. When she had freaked during her examination it had taken her over day to get back control, but she had no one to talk her down. And she doubted anyone would have been able to.

"Wolverine." Xavier greeted. "I am glad to see you are well."

"Yeah, me too." Logan looked at Jean from where she was cowering behind the two men. "I uh... I'm sorry, if he- if I- hurt you."

Jean didn't say anything, so he looked back to Xavier. "If you want me to leave, I understand."

Niki's head snapped to him, not at all happy that he said that.

"Nonsense." Xavier said. "We had a minor accident. No one was seriously injured. I wouldn't ask you to leave."

"Professor, he's dangerous!" Jean shouted.

"So am I." Niki growled dangerously, shooting her an angry glare. "And so are you. So are a lot of us. Even some of the kids. You gonna kick them out?" she waited for a response, but didn't get one. "Didn't think so."

Logan looked at her softly, staying quiet. He'd never had anyone stick up for him.

Tony clapped his hands once, breaking the silence. "So... we should all get back to our own business."

"I think that's a great idea." Storm said.

Sophie moved from where she was resting against the wall. "Yeah, me too... Hey Nik, can I see you a sec?"

Niki knew she was going to ask her about Logan. "Uh, hang on. I'll be there in a second."

"And Wolverine," Xavier started. "If you could meet me in my office in a few minutes."

"Sure thing, wheels."

Niki waited till everyone else was gone then turned to Logan. "You're alright?"

"Yeah." he gave her a small smile. "Thank you."

She cocked her head, looking at him in question.

"For sticking up for me... You didn't have to. And for bringing me back."

She leaned forward, standing on her tip toes. His arms went around her. She used his chest for balance and kissed him softly. "See ya, big guy."

He smiled and let go of her waist. "See ya, darlin."

Niki found Sophie in her room. She barely got through the door before Sophie asked her first question. "What the hell was that?"

"What the hell was what?" she asked, already sounding annoyed.

"I mean how did you do that?"

Niki sat on the bed and looked around the room, not wanting to meet Sophie's eyes.

"Oh, you know me. I have a way with words." she said, hiding behind sarcasm.

"Come on, cut the shit. How'd you do that? And so quickly?" Sophie said, sounding mesmerized.

"Felt like an eternity." Niki whispered.

Sophie looked at her and noticed she hadn't met her eyes since she walked in. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. All I did was help him get back in control."

"So you're saying it's no big deal? That anyone could've done it?" Sophie was determined to find out what was going on.

"Look Sophie, I don't know." Niki was getting frustrated. "I don't know what you want me to say. I helped him, just like I would've helped anybody else here."

"You sure about that?"

Niki stood up, tired of this conversation. "I'll see ya later, Sophie."

Sophie let her walk out of the room without saying another word, but was clearly not happy about it.

* * *

Please review to let me know how I am doing. I except critique when needed and I'm open to suggestions. :) Thank for reading! /


	8. And Breathe Me

Another chapter as promised. Like I said I really like this one. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men/Marvel or anything remotely like that. So... Yeah.

* * *

_Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
Hurt myself again today  
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame_

_Be my friend_  
_Hold me, wrap me up_  
_Unfold me_  
_I am small and needy_  
_Warm me up_  
_And breathe me_

* * *

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

I didn't see Niki at dinner or after dinner for that matter.

It was almost midnight when my door opened and she slipped in. I lifted my head to look at her. She stood there, her body no more than a shadow in the dark. I pulled back the covers, making room for her. She moved slowly to the bed and slid in beside me. I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her hair. She was freezing.

"You okay, darlin?" I whispered.

She nodded and scooted even closer to me. She seemed to be holding her breath.

I sighed and traced circles on her hip. "It's okay if you're not."

"I don't know what's wrong with me." she sounded broken.

I held her tighter to me at the sound of her voice.

"Nothin's wrong with you, darlin."

"I tried... I tried to go to sleep but they- I..." her breaths were coming quickly and I knew she was on the verge of loosing it. "Nothing's workng. They won't let me sleep."

"What'd they do to you?" I repeated my question from last night.

She had promised we'd talk about it. She shook her head and squeezed my hand to her.

I pulled my body back slightly, trying to look at her. "Baby, look at me."

She took a shaky breath but didn't do what I told her.

"Niki, come on baby. Look at me."

She didn't even seem to hear me. I scooted back and turned her over to look at her. Her eyes were purple. She looked lost as she searched my face. I cupped her face and let out a shaky breath.

"Stay with me, darlin." I said softly.

Her eyes flashed slightly back to brown before turning a darker purple. "What if I'm already gone?" she growled.

I cursed in my head. The gentle approach wasn't working tonight.

"What if it's to late for me?" she closed her eyes tight and shook her head.

She was having an internal battle with her wolf and it was confusing as all hell for me.

When she opened her eyes again, they had a little brown and this time her voice sounded broken again. "Why won't they let me die?"

My heart clenched in pain when she said those words. She gripped onto me like I was her life line. I wanted to have an answer for her, but I couldn't come up with one I thought she would want to hear.

Her eyes turned dark again and she let go of me and stood up. She started pacing and I reached over to the table, switching the lamp on. I watched her a moment, not sure what to do.

"Calm down, darlin."

She stopped pacing and slid down to the floor, clenching her fists and releasing her claws.

"Niki." I said, in warning.

Her eyes shot to mine. I stood up and made my way to her and she stood up, tense.

I raised an eyebrow at her. I was hurt that she thought I would hurt her.

"You know I'm not gonna hurt you." I said firmly.

"Maybe you need to."

Again my heart clenched. I reached out to grab her arm, then pushed her against the wall, supporting her body with mine. "What makes you think that?"

"Everything."

I didn't know what to say and she was avoiding my eyes again. I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to take charge. Of the situation, of her. She wanted my dominance. I thought it was a strange time for it, but hell, if it was what she wanted.

"Didn't I tell you to look at me?" I growled, darkly.

She shivered at my voice, but still didn't look at me. Although she wanted it, she wasn't going to give it to me easily. I grinded into her hard and growled. "Nikita."

She let out a gasp at the sensation, but her eyes were anywhere but mine. I gripped her hair at the back of her neck and turned her head towards me. At first she didn't meet my gaze, but I let out a harsh growl, slamming my hand against the wall and her eyes locked with mine.  
I was going to say something, I really was. But when she looked at me, my words went straight out the window.

I stared at her a second before kissing her hard. She gasped into my mouth, but then deepened the kiss and locked her legs around me. I gripped her ass and pushed her further up the wall, not breaking the kiss. Our tongues battled for dominance and she moaned when I grinded into her repeatedly. Her nails ran down my chest and I growled in pleasure, but grabbed both her wrists in one of my hands and held them above her head.

She fought my grip at first, but soon excepted that she wasn't stronger. I moved down to her neck, licking and nibbling. By this point I had lost a little to Wolverine, but I was practically telling him to come out by the way I was acting. I didn't care though. Right now a certain amount of the animal was required.

Since she couldn't use her hands, she locked her legs tighter around me, roughly pushing me into her again. I groaned and bit down lightly on her neck and my erection was becoming painful in my boxers.

I had to remind myself that this wasn't about me. I pulled back and her eyes were closed.

We were both breathing hard. I didn't know how much longer I could hold back and I didn't know how far I would have to go to prove my dominance.

"Look at me." I growled.

This time she complied.

"Come back to me, darlin." I said, softening my voice.

I was shaking from the effort it took to stop myself from taking her right there against the wall.

"Help me." she whispered, shakily.

Her wolf was asking me to help her.

"Then talk to me. Trust me." I said.

"I do trust you. I... I just don't know how to talk about it."

I believed her. "Nikita come on, darlin. I'll help you, it's okay."

I let go of her hands and kissed her softer then I knew I was capable of.

She gasped and gripped my shoulders. When I looked at her, her eyes were brown and had tears in them.

I didn't say anything. I just cupped her face and kissed her softly again. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly to her.

When she pulled back, I ran my thumb over her cheek.

"You sure know how to scare a man?" I said, shakily.

She gave me a sad smile. "I couldn't scare you if I tried."

"You'd be surprised." I said. "I thought you were gonna skip out on me for a second there."

She grew quiet and I walked her over to the bed, covering us up. She layed her head on my chest, curling around me. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and finally felt like I could breathe.

We lied there a few minutes before Niki whispered. "I didn't use to be like this."

I knew she wasn't finished, so I listened patiently.

"I would never lose control... Never had trouble sleeping." Her voice was eerily cold, like she was shutting out all emotions.

"In the lab when they took me, they would do just about anything. They weren't scared to kill people and I couldn't die so... they had no limits.

During the day they would cut into me and take..." she stopped and took a deep breath before she continued. I felt like I could throw up.

"They would take kidneys, liver, anything they wanted, use it for the other mutants or sell them. I never knew what drugs they were gonna pump into me... The longer I was there the worse it got."

The anger in my chest was building. I wanted to track the assholes down and kill them. I held her tighter and tried to take deep breaths, but I still stayed silent.

"I made the mistake of fighting them a few times. Even broke my restraints a few times and killed one of them. After that they used chains and they- they nailed my hands down. Eventually they put the adamantium in me. And strangely that's the one thing I don't hate about what they did to me there. I can't imagine my claws as bone now. Sure it was beyond painful but... The adamantium is what helped me escape... Gave me power. Without it I wouldn't have escaped."

I was starting to get restless, but tried to keep myself still by running my hands through her hair.

"But I can heal from all of that. It was the nights that tortured me... I never knew when they were going to come. Sometimes they wouldn't come for months and other times... other times they would come every night." Now her voice was slowly getting shaky.

She stopped talking and a shudder ran through her. I noticed and started rocking her slowly. I kissed the top of her head, staying calm for her sake.

"It was never just one, it was always at least four... There we these electric rods they used and I couldn't fight. Two of them would hold me down and they- they..." She stopped and took a shaky breath, holding onto me tightly.

I had a feeling I knew were this was going and I knew he didn't want to hear it. My heart was already pounding angrily and it took all my will power to stay calm and keep stroking her hair. I was shaking from anger, but she didn't seem to notice. She was quiet for over a minute and I got worried she might be going feral again.

"It's alright, darlin. You can stop."

I got the idea and didn't wanna hear the rest. I didn't think my heart could take it.

She sat up and turned around so she was facing me, pulling her legs underneath her. She kept her hand on me and her lower half pressed against me. She looked sad, but she was in control.

"They raped me and that... that wasn't something new to me... but the way they did it,"

She was visibly shaking by now. And I sat up, shaking too, with a need to kill something or hold her. My emotions were everywhere... Fuck emotion.

"It was fucking hell... They wouldn't even do it themselves, they would use anything. The rods, the guns... the knives." her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "And I can feel their hands running over me and- and it won't stop."

I had to control myself. She needed me and I wasn't gonna let her down. I'd kill somethin' later.

"There gone, baby... They can't hurt you anymore." My voice wasn't as strong as I would've liked. It was shaky and it wasn't helping that I was trying to stay calm, when all Wolverine wanted to do was break through and go kill everyone that had even touched her in that lab... But

I also just wanted to wipe away her memories of them.

* * *

_Ouch I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

_Be my friend_  
_Hold me, wrap me up_  
_Unfold me_  
_I am small and needy_  
_Warm me up_  
_And breathe me_

* * *

"Then why won't it all just go away?... Why can't I ever feel safe?" she was fighting back her tears. I didn't understand how they didn't fall.

She was breaking my heart. I wanted to kiss her and hold her, make love to her and make her forget it all, but I wanted it to be her decision. I wanted her to ask me to help her. I cupped her face.

"Tell me to make it go away." I whispered, shaking.

"Please, Logan." she whispered, weakly. "Please, make it go away. I don't wanna feel them. I don't want... I don't want to be scared anymore."

I leaned forward and kissed her. Her hands were shaking as she wound them in my hair. I moved slowly. I knew she wasn't fragile, but I didn't want to scare her.

"Logan," she whispered, her voice still shaky. "You're not gonna hurt me. I don't need you to be gentle with me... I need you."

And then I snapped. I pushed her down onto the bed, climbing on top of her and kissed her hard, but surprisingly and slowly it turned sweet. I ran my hands down her sides, then slid them under her loose shirt. I rested my hands just below her breasts and grinded into her. She moaned and moved her hands to my back. I moved my hands back down and hooked my thumb in her panties, lifted her hips slightly off the bed and slid them off in one swift move.

_*********** Third Person ***********_

She ran her hands down his chest to his boxers and pushed at them. He helped her slide them off and he groaned as the his erection sprang free and slid against the fabric of her shirt. He sat her up momentarily and lifted her shirt off, before lying back down, never once breaking the kiss. His hands moved to her breast and she moaned softly. He moved his kisses to her neck, then down to her breast. He licked and nibbled. Her eyes closed and she gasped.

One of his hands moved down to her center and he slid a finger inside of her. Her back arched and she moved her hands back to his hair. He added another finger and started thrusting them in and out, and curling them, hitting just the right spot over and over. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out. His mouth moved back to hers, catching her open lips. He let his fingers slip out of her, then pulled back from the kiss.

He was breathless and so was she. Her eyes were closed and she groaned at the loss of his fingers.

"Keep your eyes open, baby." his voice was husky with arousal.

When she did, he kept her gaze, moving so the head of his cock brushed against her entrance. Her eyes almost closed, but he growled a soft warning at her. He slowly pushed his way inside her. He fought to keep his own eyes open as he filled her completely.

She shuddered at the feeling of him inside her. He was huge. She felt her walls stretch to adjust to him. He had a hand on the side of her neck and had to take a few deep breaths, before moving.

He slowly pulled out and just as slowly pushed back in. He repeated the process a few times before Niki couldn't take it anymore.

"L-Logan," she whispered. She was having trouble speaking. "Please."

With that he slammed into her, making her arch her back and moan. He set at a steady pace after that and she met him thrust for thrust. He pushed her knees to his shoulders, moving even deeper inside her, moaning softly at the new position and sensations.

"God, Logan." she was making little noises of pleasure and he felt like he was going to come any second.

He growled as his thrust became harder and faster. Her grip on his hair tightened and he could tell she was close.

"Come on, darlin." his voice was husky and his breath on her skin made her gasp. "Come with me." his thrusts didn't slow down for a second and she let out something between a squeal and a moan as he thrust into her even harder than before.

Her walls tightened around him and he knew she was coming. He put his head in the crook of her neck, taking a deep breath, breathing her in. Her head fell back and she closed her eyes, opening her mouth in a silent scream. He came with her, letting out a long, loud growl. She let her knees fall from his shoulders and he collapsed on top of her. He did his best to keep most of his weight off of her, but she didn't seem to mind.

After he regained the ability to move, he rolled off her. He rolled her with him so her head was resting in the crook of his neck. She kissed his neck lightly, then snuggled into him.

He grinned to himself, feeling relaxed and relieved... even happy. He kissed her hair, lightly.

"Night, darlin." he whispered.

She smiled a little, because weirdly enough she felt safe in his arms. She didn't think beyond that, she just closed her eyes.

"Night, big guy."

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please review. /


	9. But Can You Save Me

Sorry it took so long. I've been swamped! I promise I haven't forgotten about it. On the bright side, this a really freakin long chapter so... Let me know what you think. I love you all! Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: Don't own X-men, Wolverine etc...** writing that bothers me. :/

* * *

The next morning he woke up before she did. She was facing him. Her face was buried in his chest and their legs were intertwined. He scooted back slightly so he could look at her. She looked peaceful. There was no tension in her face, instead she was completely relaxed. To him she was the most beautiful thing in the world. He watched her and ran his hands through her hair.

A few minutes later, she stirred and slowly opened her eyes. She saw him and smiled softly, moving her hand to his cheek. "Hey, handsome."

"Hey, beautiful." He said, giving her a soft smile in return.

She gave him a strange look.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head and smiled softly. "Nothing... no one's ever called me that before... That's all."

He looked surprised, and ran his thumb across her cheek. "You are... You know that?"

She gave him a small smile, but looked unsure. She had an air of confidence that most women lacked, so he imagined she _had_ to know.

She'd been called many things in her life. Hot, sexy and a number of other things, but beautiful was never one of them. Not that she wasn't beautiful, because she was. She was absolutely stunning and he couldn't believe no one had told her that.

"Hey," he started, but didn't know what he was going to say, didn't know how to argue about something he found painfully obvious. So instead he leaned in and kissed her. It was passionate and slow, stirring something inside her.

He moved to rest on top of her and cupped her still naked breast. She felt his erection press against her stomach and she gasped. She reached down and closed her fingers around him, pumping him slowly. He moaned into her mouth and his hips bucked involuntarily.

She moved from his mouth, to his neck, then to his chest. He growled contently and sat up. Somehow they ended up off the bed and against the wall. She was kissing his neck, but he was getting impatient. He pulled down on her hair.

"What do you want, Logan?" She whispered, seductively.

He growled and tightened his grip on her hair. "You... On your knees." His eyes were a slight yellow and she felt desire in her grow in the pit of her stomach.

She slowly slid down to her knees and kissed the tip of his cock.

"Fuck, darlin. Take it."

She took him in her mouth and pumped slowly. He used his grip on her hair to speed her up. She let him control the speed, holding on to his hips for balance.

"All of it... You can take it." His voice was a growl and his eyes were on her, but struggling to stay open.

He made small grunting noises and soon enough he pulled her up, not wanting to come unless he was inside her. He switched their positions so she was against the wall. He pushed her up, so her legs were off the ground. He wrapped her legs around his waist, then slid into her. Her mouth opened and her eyes closed.

"Jesus Christ..." She mumbled.

He caught her lips and kissed her hard before he started thrusting into her. She met him for every thrust, though it wasn't easy considering she was pressed against a wall. With the angle they were at, he was hitting the right spot every time, sliding deeper and deeper with every thrust. She was making little noises that were almost enough to send him over the edge.

He could tell she was close. He slowed down, almost to a stop and didn't let her speed things up.

"God dammit, Logan..."

"What is it, darlin?" He growled, slowly pulling all the way out.

She didn't answer, but looked at him. His eyes were yellow. It wasn't Logan, it was Wolverine. A rush of excitement ran through her.

Wolverine on the other hand was still waiting for an answer.

He gave a warning growl and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Answer me." He pushed her hands above her head and held them there.

He thrust into her hard and circled his hips. She gasped and closed her eyes. Her head fell back against the wall and she pulled against his grip on her hands, wanting to touch him.

"Logan..." she whispered.

"You know I'm not Logan." He growled.

He put the hand that wasn't holding her wrists and touched her chin. "Look at me."

She lifted her head from the wall and met his eyes. He moved his hand to her breast and tweaked her nipple hard. Her body jerked and she tried to speed up his thrusts.

"Don't rush me." he growled. "What do you want, darlin?" he grinded against her. "You want me to touch you? To fuck you?" his voice was dark and full of dominance and she loved it.

"Yes, I... I want you, Wolverine. I need you..."

He sped up ever so slightly and slowly built up speed. She couldn't use her hands so she nibbled his neck and tightened her legs around his waist. This time when he felt her about to come, he didn't stop. He thrust even harder burying his head in the crook of her neck. She let out a soft moan that was barely heard as she came and he growled loudly as he came, biting down hard on her neck, marking her as his. She let out a soft scream at the pleasure and the pain of it.

The Wolverine had claimed her. Nikita fought to come to the surface, thrilled that he had marked her, but Niki held her back. He struggled to keep them both standing and if the wall wasn't there they both would've fallen.

He let go of her hands and she brought them down to rest on his shoulders. He licked the mark and waited for it to heal. It took longer than it should have, but eventually it did.

After a while, he lifted his head and met her eyes.

"You're mine. You know that?" his voice was firm, yet gentle, but at the same time managed to sound worried. "You can't leave me."

Her heart skipped a beat or two when he said that. The possessiveness in his voice thrilled her. She wanted to say yes, but couldn't make herself say it.

She couldn't help but feel wanted at that moment. She didn't know whether to hold on to him or run before she got more attached then she already was. But then, where would running get her? The Wolverine would find her. And she didn't want to run. She wanted the feeling he gave her.

"Don't let me." She whispered, with a spurt of bravery.

His eyes searched hers. She looked scared, but almost in a good way. She was scared of falling in love.

"I won't." he growled softly.

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

I didn't want to fall in love. Something would happen. Something would go wrong. He'd run or I'd run. I'd do something to fuck it all up or he'd do something to fuck it all up. Could I really let myself get close to him when there was no guarantee he'd always be there, when I'd had gone my whole life doing exactly the opposite. I didn't even know how to let myself be that close to anyone.

But I had given him control and he wasn't going to let me go, at least not now. I wouldn't be able to keep away from him even if I wanted to.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them, he was Logan once again. He kissed me gently and slid me down so I could stand on myown feet. My knees were still a little wobbly. He chuckled, holding me up.

**_********* Third Person *********_**

"Ya' alright, darlin?" He asked, smiling.

She smiled back, despite the scared feeling in her chest mixed with something else she couldn't name. "Yeah, I'm okay... We should get dressed."

"Probably." He let her go and grabbed a pair of jeans, slipping them on. He grabbed the towel he had hanging on the closet door and dried the sweat off his face and chest. He threw her his shirt and she grinned at him.

"You know if I keep walkin' around in your shirt, people might start to talk." She joked.

"They're already talkin', darlin." He said, winking at her.

She smiled and made a quick check, making sure no one was outside the room. "See ya, big guy."

He grinned at her and came over, giving her one more kiss. "See ya, darlin... Hey, eat somethin' alright?"

She sighed and thought about arguing, but then nodded and left.

Once she was in her room, she shut her door and slid down it, letting out a shaky breath and closing her eyes. She didn't know what to do.

She was always promising not to get attached, especially not this attached, but she found herself wanting to. Every time she was near him, she had this pang in her chest and butterflys in her stomach. She hadn't felt that before, she hadn't let herself. But now she found she couldn't stop it... Or didn't want to stop it. She wasn't sure which.

She sat there a few minutes longer, then pushed herself off the floor, took a shower, then went to find Storm and help her out.

She found Storm in one of the class rooms preparing. "Hey, Storm. Need any help?" Niki asked, poking her head in the room.

"Oh. Hi, Niki. No I think I got it. Although I think Scott needed some help with gym today."

"Alright, I guess I'll go help One-eye. Catch ya later."

"Hey, Niki!"

Niki stuck her head back in the room. "Yeah?"

"You're staying for a while, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, this weekend we've got that big camping trip that we take the older students to every year." Storm paused a moment, as if she was waiting for Niki to say something, then continued. "The professor almost cancelled it because of the threat with Mystique issued, but we talked him into it. Do you think you might wanna come? It's a lot of fun." she looked hopeful.

Niki opened her mouth, not sure of what her response would be. She'd never been with them before, but she camped all the time. It could be fun.

"Sure, I don't see why not."

"Great. You'll love it."

Niki smiled at her and waved good-bye.

She found Scott and helped him teach gym, had a ride on Dodger, took a ride into to town to grab a few things and was back by dinner.

She saw Logan and Tony at the table and sat down across from them. "Gentlemen."

Tony laughed at that. "Ha! If we're the gentlemen in this world, then we're in trouble."

Niki raised her brows and gave him a cocky look. "Indeed we are."

Logan chuckled and smiled at Niki.

She smiled back and leaned over the table to grab a biscuit, conviently giving Logan a view down her shirt while she did so.

"So what'd you boys do today?" she asked, sweetly.

"Well, we discovered that Wolvie here can run more laps and do more push-ups then just about all the 12th grade guys put together, _however_ he can't do jack shit with electronics."

"Hey!" Logan protested. "I _can_ work with electronics... I was fixin' the damn thing."

"He blew up one of the laptops trying to 'fix it', then impaled it with those claws of his." Tony said, trying not to laugh.

"At least I know how to work the damn thing... But _those_ _things_ are fuckin' rigged to explode!"

Niki sat there smirking, obviously amused. "Sounds like you had fun."

"Loads." Logan said sarcastically.

She laughed softly, then changed the subject. "So you guys comin' on the camping trip?"

Tony looked surprised. "Are you?"

"I told Storm I would." she said.

Tony nodded. "Well, I'm going, but Wolvie keeps saying he doesn't know."

Logan shrugged. Now that he knew Niki was going, he definitely was. But he didn't want Tony to see how quickly his mind changed.

"I said I might. I don't have anything else to do." he said.

"Hey, if I'm going, I'm draggin' both of you with me." Niki joked.

Logan raised an eye brow and smirked. "I'd like to see you try."

"I won't have to try. All I gotta do is bat my eye lashes and I gotcha both." she said, grinning. She was kind of joking, but kind of not. She could get what she wanted and she knew it.

Tony gave her a look that said 'true'. "She's right, ya know? She's got a way with men."

"And women." she said, seductively.

They both looked at her with curious eyes at that. She wiggled her eyebrows at them and sat back, letting them wonder.

"Care to elaborate?" Tony asked, hopefully.

"I'll leave it to your imagination." she said.

Tony made a face, then went back to his food.

Logan looked at her, smiling softly. "It's nice out... Wanna go for a ride?"

She smiled back and nodded.

Logan stood up and gave Tony's back a slap. "See ya, Tony."

Tony looked up at Logan. "What, you guys are just 'going for a ride'?"

Logan brows came together as he looked at Tony. "Yeah. That's the plan."

"Right, sure. That's the plan. I'm sure nothing else is involved." Tony said, sarcastically.

"Nope," Logan said. "Just ridin'."

Niki laughed lightly and Logan grabbed her hand, walking out.

Tony snorted. "Just riding. Like I believe that." He thought a second longer, then picked up the innuendo. "Wait, what?!" he turned to find them but they were already gone.

They got to the garage and she stopped. "Your bike or mine?" she asked.

He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

She grinned. It was obvious he wanted to take his. And honestly so did she.

He swung onto his bike and turned on the engine, making sure to rev it. He gave her a sexy smirk and nodded for her to get on. She swung

her leg over and wrapped her arms around him.

He sped out of the garage and took a left.

He was right. It was a beautiful out. It had been a hot day, but it was starting to cool down. The sun was setting and there was a light breeze. These were the moments she loved. It was part of what kept her going. Little things like rain, or summer nights, or trail rides on Dodger. And now riding with Logan.

She let go of Logan, lifting her hands to the sky. She tilted her head to the sky and took a a deep breath, closing her eyes.

He glanced back at her and smiled. Her hair was flowing behind her and her face looked peaceful. Once again he was struck by how beautiful she was. She opened her eyes and leaned forward.

"Let go." she whispered in his ear.

He looked back at her, confused. They were on a straight away and there were no other cars in sight. She put her hands on his and lifted them to the sky.

He laughed and made sure no cars were there, then lifted his head. He relaxed and took a deep breath.

She leaned forward and kissed his neck. He turned his head and looked back at her. "Tryin' to make us crash, darlin?" he asked with a smirk.

She nipped at his ear and made a purring noise. "Maybe we should head back." she whispered.

"I don't know if I can make it all the way back." he growled.

"You better try."

He put his hands back on the bars and kicked it in high gear. They made it back to the mansion quickly, considering he broke any and all laws to get there.

As soon as he parked the bike, he swung off and kissed her hard. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him to closer to her. She pulled one of her legs over and sat side saddle on the motorcycle. He grabbed her ass and scooted her closer, grinding into her.

She pulled back and held onto the back of his neck. "Wait, wait, wait... We can't do this here."

"Yes, we can." he growled.

"And if Scott or Gambit walks in and sees me without my pants on."

That stopped him. "You're right, we can't do this here."

He pulled her off the bike and kissed her again before all but dragging her inside.

Somehow they made it upstairs without running into anybody. He threw her on the bed, pulled his shirt off and climbed on top of her. He slid out a claw and slit her shirt right down the middle, also going through her bra. His patience wasn't high tonight. She undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants, pushing them down violently. He let out a low growl when the cold air hit his cock.

He took one of her breasts in his mouth and played with the other. He yanked her pants down and ran his hands down her, cupping her ass.

She reached down and ran her finger tips across the tip of his cock. He shuddered and ripped off her panties.

He kissed his way down her body, swirling his tongue around her bellybutton on the way. He slid two fingers inside her. Her eyes closed as his mouth closed over her and he started sucking and licking. He pumped his fingers harder and faster, curling them inside her. He reached up with his other hand, rolling her nipple between his fingers.

She wound her hands in his hair, pushing him to go harder. She came with a shudder and a gasp, pulling his hair as she did. "Fuck," she whispered.

He moved back up to her face and kissed her. She groaned, tasting herself on him. It turned her on even as she came down from her high. He didn't give her anytime to recover before he slammed into her. She let out a small squeal and ran her hands over his back.

He grabbed her hands and wrapped them around the back of his neck, then pushed her knees to rest on his shoulders. He stayed still a moment, then proceeded to thrust into her. She caught his lips and kissed him hard. He gripped her sides and moved his mouth down to her neck.

She put her hands in his hair and pulled, earning a moan from him. He moved a hand to her breast and squeezed.

"Fuck... Logan, harder." her voice was raspy and it sent a chill through him.

Who was he to deny her. He moved faster and harder and the soft noises she was making grew slightly louder.

He was close, but he could tell she was too. Her eyes were closed and her grip on his hair was getting tighter. He felt her walls tighten and it sent him over the edge with her. She let in a loud gasp and a hard shudder ran through her. He let out a roar, his arms struggling to support himself. Between the noises the two of them made, they were sure to let the whole mansion know what was happening, but neither seemed to care.

She let her knees fall from his shoulder and kissed him softly. He returned the kiss, but his eyes were still closed and he was trying to get control of his breathing. He moved from resting on his hands to resting on his elbows, his body pressed directly against hers. He opened his eyes and gave her a soft smile.

She ran her hand over his cheek, then closed her eyes. He kissed her eyelids, then relaxed, resting his head on her breasts. She ran her hand through his hair rhythmically. He almost purred at the sensation.

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

Eventually he propped himself up and lifted his head, looking at me.

"What if-" he stopped and looked around the room, not meeting my eyes. "What if Wheels can't help me? If I never know who I am?"

She looked at him and saw the troubled look on his face.

He let out a sigh, looked at her and shrugged. "I just can't... All I remember is the lab. And only pieces of that. What if that was my whole life?"

"Logan, it..." I paused trying to find the right words. "It doesn't matter who you were. It matters who you are... And who you are, isn't who you were fifteen years ago... Hell, I'm not the same person I was fifteen years ago."

"Who are you?" he whispered.

"I'm Niki." I said, simply. "And you," I said, putting a finger to his chest. "Are Logan."

And somehow that seemed to be enough for him. He moved a hand to my face and brushed my hair away from it.

His expression softened as he asked his next question. "How old are you?"

My breath caught at the question. I hadn't told anyone her actual age. I just always just said 'older than you' and that was that, but with Logan I wasn't sure if I actually was older than him, considering he didn't age either. I shook my head, not quite willing to answer.

"Hey," he moved his thumb across my cheek and kept my gaze. "As far as I know, I'm a dinosaur." he said it with a shrug and a small smile.

I bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath. If I was gonna tell anyone it was gonna be him.

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

"Two hundred and twelve." she said it so softly I almost didn't hear her.

She looked like she expected me to be surprised or even freaked out but I wasn't.

"That's incredible." I said.

"No... that's hell."

I looked at her sadly.

She shrugged. "Watching everyone around you fade, while you stay the same." her voice was no more than a whisper. "Seeing the things I've seen. Living what I've lived... It isn't something that anybody should be cursed with. And I try to just..." she trailed off and looked away, but I put a hand on her chin and turned her head back to me.

"Hey," I said it firmly, but looked at her softly. "Come on, darlin." I whispered. "Talk to me."

Her eyes were shining from unshed tears and she took a shaky breath. "I can't tell you how many times I've tried to just... end it. My body just won't let me. Even after all these years..."

My chest tightened at the thought of her trying to kill herself. I grabbed her hand and squeezed.

"No one wants to live forever." her voice was cracking and her breaths were shallow. "And being a god damn mutant... there are so many people that hate us or wanna kill us. Like the people in the lab. After they were done with me... They did all they could to kill me." she closed her eyes. "But nothing worked... Nothing _ever_ works and I- I hate that... And I hate-" she was fighting tears and shook her head.

I moved closer to her and put a hand on the back of her neck. "Open your eyes, baby."

She opened them and there was the slightest bit of purple in her dark brown eyes. "I fucking hate... that I'm scared of loving anyone," she sounded resentful and her voice was pitched. "because I know I'll loose them. That it's not an if I loose them, it's a when and I hate that. I hate that it'll always be me left when everyone I know is dead."

**_********* Third Person *********_**

I stopped and held my head back slightly, trying to hold in the tears. I tried for almost my entire life to keep from loving people, because it _did_ scare me. I didn't want to have to out live everyone around me, but I couldn't stop the inevitable from happening. It was something I had never talked about and now that I was, it hit me like a brick wall and I couldn't keep a hold on my emotions. I wasn't about to let myself cry. I hadn't in over 40 years except the single tear last night and didn't plan on starting now.

My claws shot out, ready to numb the pain.

* * *

_I have no fear of death itself_  
_So don't try and save me and please, God, forsake me_  
_I'll suffer alone, I just want to be left_  
_My soul has flown and I am what is left_  
_I am skin and bones_

* * *

**_********* Logan's POV *********_**

My heart started racing and I grabbed both her wrists.

"Oh no ya don't." I said. "Not this time."

"Logan, let go of me." she demanded.

"No. I'm not gonna let you do this. I won't."

"Let go!" she said, louder.

She fought my grip, but I pulled her closer. I knew she could fight me harder, but she didn't. Somewhere deep down, she wanted help.

"Niki. No." I tried to sound firm.

Her voice changed to pleading. "Please, Logan. Let me go."

I didn't answer her this time, just held onto her tighter.

"I have to. Please." She sounded desperate.

"No- no you don't, darlin. Look at me, you're okay." My voice was shaking.

I couldn't watch her do this again. She was breathing hard and fast. She was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"Oh God. Logan I can't-" she fought my grip, but moved so she was pressing against me. "I can't breathe."

"Yes you can." I said softly. "Stay with me, baby. It's alright."

She was still fighting tears. She needed to cry. Maybe it would help.

"Darlin, you're allowed to cry."

She let out a short humorless laugh, still holding back tears. "I can't cry. I have no feelings."

"Bullshit." I said, matter of factly.

She shook her head. "I don't want to have feelings... I don't even want to be alive, Logan. I shouldn't be! I'm not worth it. And I'm cold. And I just... I just wanna it all to let me go. I wanna let go... But I can't. It's pulling me in, but it won't take me."

My heart broke a little more with every word she said. I kissed her, trying to show her in one kiss what she meant to me and her claws slowly slid back in. When I pulled back I took her cold hand in my warm one and kissed it. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm not supposed to cry." she whispered, shakily.

"Says who, darlin?"

"My dad always told me it was a sign of weakness."

Her dad sounded like an asshole.

"I don't think it's a sign of weakness." I said.

"Then what is it?" her voice cracked.

"I think it's a sign that you've been strong for to long." I ran my hand through her hair and held it there.

She tried and failed to hold back a sob. The sound of it ripped through my heart and I almost let one out myself.

I moved us to the bed and situated us so I was on the bottom and pulled her to me.

I stroked her hair and whispered. "It's alright, baby."

Her body shook with sobs and I held her just as tight as she held me. It was physically painful to see her like this. Her head was in the crook of my neck and we were wrapped around each other. I rocked us slowly, whispering softly in her ear. I didn't even know what I was whispering, but it seemed to calm her. Eventually her tears stopped, but neither of us moved.

"The first time I tried to kill myself was only a few days after I woke up not knowing who I was." I said, quietly. "Got pissed in some run-down city, flipped out... I completely lost control. Claws came out, Wolverine took control... I didn't even realize what was going on. I didn't know how to control him, so he controlled me. I killed six people that night and I don't even remember why... I was so far gone, I couldn't even talk."

I knew she knew what it felt like. How hard it is to come back from that. Once the animal was in complete control, it was incredibly difficult getting it back.

"Once I got back in control I popped my claws and slit my throat, but it took all of three seconds and I was as good as new... I'm nothing but a monster."

And it's true. I am. I don't know how I managed to get her. I don't deserve her. But if I can help her... I'm gonna do anything in my power to do that. And I'm gonna work to deserve her.

She shook her head against me and then looked up, meeting my eyes. "You're not a monster, Logan."

I felt like I was, but hearing her say I wasn't meant a lot. I felt my eyes tear up a little. That was weird. I shrugged, trying to brush it off.

"It feels like I am."

She started to argue but I put a finger to her lips to keep her quiet. I was getting off track.

"But that's not what this is about." I said. "After that night, I tried again over and over again. I tried every way I could think of for over 13 years and then I realized that it's not worth it... No matter what, we're stuck here... I just- I want you to tell me that as long as I'm around, you won't try it again... You won't try to kill yourself."

She closed her eyes tight and her grip on me, tightened.

"Niki." I waited until she looked at me. "Right now, I'm here. You're not alone, I'm not goin' anywhere... Please darlin, tell me you won't try." My voice was almost pleading, but I didn't care.

"Logan..." she looked uncertain. "What if-"

"No." I said, firmly. "We're not talking about what ifs. Not now... Baby, I promise I'm not leavin' you... But I want you to promise me you won't try."

I made my own heart skip a beat when I promised that. I'd promised her more things in a few days than I'd promised anyone, ever. And I intended to keep everyone of 'em.

It freaked me out to some degree, considering I'd never been remotely 'committed' to anything in the life I could remember, but nothing was gonna make me run from this woman. Wolverine had claimed her. She was his mate and even if I did want to leave her, there wasn't a shot in hell that Wolverine would let me.

That fact hit me. That we'd found our mate... I wonder if she's figured that out yet.

I didn't know what to think about the fact that I was making all these promises and I didn't know how to deal with the fact that she's my mate, but I know when she's close to me or even when I just look at her, I get a pang in my chest that I've never felt before. And I wanted to feel it, it thrilled me. So even if was nervous or 'scared', I was sticking it out.

* * *

_'Cause I can tell you know what it's like  
A long farewell of a hunger strike_

_But can you save me?_  
_Come on and save me..._

_If you could save me,_  
_From the ranks of the freaks,_  
_Who suspect they could never love anyone_

* * *

**_********* Niki's POV *********_**

I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do. Here he is promising he isn't going to leave me and here I am on the verge of believing him. In fact I did believe him. I didn't know why, but I did. Sure there was an endless list of things that could go wrong, but right now that wasn't something worth thinking about. And he was making me promise I wouldn't try to kill myself.

I didn't want to make that promise. I didn't know if I could, but he looked so worried and so set on making sure I wouldn't try.

"I don't know if I can..." I whispered.

"I'll help you. I'm not goin' anywhere."

God, my heart was going haywire and there was so much anxiety built up in my chest. I knew I shouldn't try, but I couldn't help it. He did just stop me though. I don't know why it worked, but he grounded me. He helps me breathe.

I nodded, slowly.

He looked only slightly relieved.

"Promise?" he whispered, unsure.

I took a slow deep breath. "...I promise."

I put my hand on his face and rubbed my thumb against it.

He let out a sigh of relief and put a hand on the back of my neck, closing his eyes and leaning his head against mine. He took a deep breath and let out a soft, content growl.

"Logan?"

"Yeah, darlin?"

"Do you think that... maybe we're just animals?"

He opened his eyes and his brows came together. "I think," he said, bringing my hand to his. "That no matter what, it's a part of us. We might as well accept it." He traced the path of my claws, the gesture made me close my eyes and he kissed my forehead.

I relaxed into him, realizing for the first time how well our bodies fit together.

**_********* Third Person *********_**

Her breaths evened out as she drifted to sleep. He had promised he wouldn't leave her and while nothing was ever set in stone, she didn't doubt him for a second. He had held her when she broke down, she had told him things nobody else knew. Things that would have most people running and he still wasn't willing to let her go.

In a matter of minutes she was asleep. Logan still lied awake, stroking her hair. He knew the minute she was asleep. Her breaths were even and the grip she had on his arm loosened ever so slightly. He was feeling like he was going to fall asleep as well. He looked at the clock. It was only 11:00. He tried to stay awake. He didn't want to fall asleep. He just wanted to lie there and listen to her breathing, move his hands across her soft skin.

He had a weight lifted from his chest when she said she wouldn't try to kill herself anymore. He knew she couldn't die, but she was torturing herself when she tried. The same way she was torturing herself when she didn't eat. He wanted with everything in him to save her, whether she wanted it or not. He wasn't going to give her a choice, Wolverine wouldn't let him give her a choice. He had found his mate and he wasn't letting her go. he would protect her at all costs and Wolverine knew that the wolf in Niki agreed with this decision.

Her breaths lured him into his own sleep rather quickly. Both of them had fallen to sleep easily and without any nightmares for the first time either of them could remember.


End file.
